The Ghost at 5am

So It’s 5am and I lie a wake, bored, no new books to read, no nice shows to watch, no one to talk to…what do you do at this time? When you wake up in the middle of your sleep and for no reason you can’t go back and rest. Your mind start to play tricks on you..things that you have been avoiding starts to play in your mind…why because you’re alone and you can’t think of anything? So the ghost of the past haunts you and tells you that it’s me…think about me…reflect about me…I’m here to entertain you…


Damn! Never have a peaceful time alone by my self…what the F*CK! The ghost always haunts me and for some reason I think it’s trying to kill me…I’m over and done, I swore to my self that I will never go back nor turn my back in that same delirious box…but that was long before all my dreams were all gone… at least I did my best, that I know and I can guarantee. One part of guilt was taken off and I now not blame my self for all the lost…


In the beginning, the battle was set off before my eyes, without me even knowing that the enemy lay besides me and with out ever knowing that there was even a battle…so who’s there to blame, me or that ghost? The ghost has fought his own battle and I was the sacrificial lamb…I was put in a pedestal where the ghost comfortably stuck his dagger to my heart and I felt it all… and I blame my self and SH*T! I even said it’s my fault and I deserve some more…bring it on…chop me up to my throat! I was murdered right before I realized that it’s painful and the pain should stop… I was dead, before I can rise and walk away… but at least I still manage to rise! That’s the most imperative part of it all.


I sometimes miss the ghost but when you get used to the feeling it numbs you and it’s not a good feeling because it destroys you. I was raised to handle my emotion quite strongly, was raised to go for the greatest and the biggest, to reach for all of my dreams…was also raised to know the difference between right and wrong, and how to choose right all the time…but what if the things that are right for you are wrong for others? How would you choose and what would you choose… again, I was the sacrificial lamb! I have not much choice but to rest there and watch them choose what they think is right for them, not knowing my stand nor my feelings and as for me…I take it all and just let it be…why did I even say??? Damn…damn…damn….DUMB!

My Good Riddance to the Ghost of 5am...
it was one hell of a nightmare and i will never wish to be back...
No...EVER!