ME and ALL OF ME!

I visited my old blog account to read and laugh at the silliest me over the years and while I was chucking and cursing about how stupid I was during those days I realized that things hasn’t change at all. I’m still that person who complains about the littlest things in life and I Rant! Rant! Rant!

Tomorrow I will be earning another ring in my skin and I’m dying to say that I have matured over the years. But the fact still remains: I’m STILL THE SAME, I’m still childish, I’m still inconsistent, I’m still unpredictable, I’m still fickle-minded, I'm Still the spoiled little girl, I'm Still stubborn, I'm Still Compassionate, I'm Still Funny, I'm Still the most Simple and Complex person all at the same time, I'm Still the girl who laughs and roll on the floor, I'm Still the person who randomly decides on random things, I'm still Reckless and Conscious at the same time, I'm Still the Sarcastic Sadistic Witch, I'm still the sensitive cry baby, I'm Still the Daughter, Mother, Sister, Niece, Cousin, Friend, Colleague, Foe (if you think I am one of yours) and I’m still that soul trap inside this aging body.

Below are the excerpts from some of my blog post year 2008-2007. Unfortunately I can’t remember my livejuornal and bravehost account which is somehow good because I know how negative I was during those times and I’d rather forget about that.

Me and my no sleeping habit

December 2008 “Pagod na Ako”

“Ngayon ko lang naramdaman lahat ng pagod...minsan iniisip ko kung ang computer nga eh sina shut down...

araw-araw 2 hours of sleep, no day off except on Sundays...dragging my self out off bed every single day...”

August 17 2008 “5am and the Ghost”

“So it’s 5am and I lay a wake, bored, no new book to read, no nice show to watch, no one to talk to…what do you do at this time?”

August 16 2008 “ Sleep Sleep VS Bingo”

Today I planned to sleep early. So I went to my room and lie down but my plans was all ruined by the noise outside my window…People are playing BINGO!!!

So the disadvantage of living beside a basketball court now ruled over me…

I can’t sleep! It’s loud and noisy! People scream and the announcers are hilarious…or maybe I’m denying the fact that I am also entertained by how the announcers generate such meaning for every letters. The crowd! The excitement of the crowd as they anxiously wait for the last few letters and numbers to be called so they can win the J-A-C-K-P-O-T… and shout at the top of their lungs B-I-N-G-O!!!! Like it’s the last word that they’ll be saying on their death bed!

As for me…poor me… pretty me… (I know…the pretty part is all true! hehehehe) will have to wait for the game to end, for the crowd to disperse and soon sleep will take over my lovely me! Hehehehe…well, I decided to accept the noise as entertaining rather than annoying, anyway I don’t have any choice and besides I’m trying to channel my aura to a more positive, calm and happy bubuli force…so I vent to writing and listing to good music and occasional peeking outside the window and getting a good laugh! PEACE! Este! BINGO!

Me and my Health/ Mental Health

December 14 2008

“What will you do if you found out that I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, feeling dizzy and grumpy; not in the mood for anything except to bully every living thing that comes my way?

I wouldn’t really know maybe you should call Mandaluyong and tell the head of the psychiatric ward to send in 5 guys with one straight jacket!”

August 27, 2008 “Sick today/ gone tomorrow”

“Today I’m feeling awfully sick, muscle pain, headache and stomach ache…PAIN…I love to think that I am sick because of too much drinking (two days straight)…whoa! (Hehehe I wish). I think I got sick of too much thinking, you see I’ve been through a lot these past few years. Things that I cannot even imagine, not even in my wildest dreams… I think through time you can acquire a certain disease because of too much stress, whether emotional, spiritual, psychological or physical.

Someone told me a few months back, when you feel certain pain in your body and you didn’t do anything about it, chances are you will have greater problem in the future…like a simple headache that’s been distracting you for more than a few days and yet you never do anything about it (talk about my migraine that has been bothering me for so many years, usually starts at November and last until January)

For almost two years I’ve been feeling sick and tired, but for some special reasons I pretend not to feel the pain.

Today I woke up and anxiety took over me and yes I embrace it with arms wide open, yes! Welcome to infirmity…so I took a couple of medicine one for body pain, one for cold , one for cough and another one for fever (hehehe overdose) oh, I forgot I also took one for LBM (addict mode!) plus my regular vitamin potencee 2x a day… sh*t its been a long time since I entertain the pain of being sick hehehehe…for me feeling sick is an option...it’s a choice, if I want to feel sick or just postpone it for another day it my choice! Hehehe. But not anymore, I’m paying the price today. Sob…”

2007

NO SLEEP + ILL HEALTH = Disastrous Catastrophic self-destruction ala mode w/cherry on top.

“My weight has dropped down, my cousin who I haven’t seen for (only) a week told me that I look thin…Thanks! Thanks! That’s the supreme consolation and the most wonderful consequence of illness…like what I’ve said before: Felling sick is a choice, an option, I can postpone it for another day, weeks, months and even a years if want too! But nope, not this time…It Hit Me BIG TIME! It really got me….”

Me and the Choices made between mini mini my nimo

November 2, 2008 Choose your Choice

At this point I’m in a situation wherein I have to choose which one will do better in my condition. Amidst all the Trials and Triumphs the aftermath of all my past decisions whether good or bad…still doesn’t stop.

This time it’s far more different than what I was accustomed to…it’s a choice between the best given pick and the one that the norms will think is the best pick…Challenging my belief and principles, which is very tough.

I just can’t, although it’s very tempting…

This requires too much emotion on my part and on the part of my pick who never really mind what the norms think and doesn’t give a b*llsh*t… I was lucky to have that.

2007 Pretext of Human Failure

Before you say its destiny and fate, let me tell you about choices…idiots! Destiny and fate: lame excuse…its choices! CHOICES!

So stop blaming the stars for the disastrous out come …

Take the U turn

Yes! I took a big U Turn just like the one in C5…

And guess what it was good and smooth,

It was never too late to go back and take the U TURN…

Ayos! Ayos!

Pwede!

Me and that wicked woman

August 23, 2008

“Last week I was asked to move to a new office space, at first I was really furious, after hearing all the plans that was made before me, I was really depressed and frustrated…Why would they move me to a new office space after being comfortable and productive in my turf!?...so my colleague (who’s not at fault) approached me asking how may tables would I need for my new space? Guess what? I answered the question with an in your face manner and said “you know what? I don’t need a new table and I don’t care how many tables you give me the point is I’m not moving…AYOKO! OK!” and then walked out banging my badge on the door!

Yup! Yup! I made a scene. Every one was talking about my walked out moment …but after puffing my good old cigarette, I’ve realized how unprofessional I acted and I know it’s a mistake…so I went back to my colleague and apologized for my childish act…and my apology was accepted, I guess he knows where I’m coming from.”

Well that’s all that I can post for now since I’m still trying to asses the things that I should be doing at this age…But I’m thankful that God has given me the strength to surpass all the trails. Looking back, who would think that I’ll be able to make it here. At some point I lost my control and totally give up but I refuse to be defeated, instead I encourage the competitive streak in me and take all the challenge that comes along my way. I survived the dark ages and here I am now back my sunny sunshine attitude. Cheers!