Track 11

Today I’m listening to track 11 of which artist/band/album? ---that’s a secret that I have to keep. Right now that song represents my current situation and amazingly answers my questions…from the line “made me realize what I could not see”, indeed I have seen.

After taking so much time on someone who refuses to listen but insist on talking even if her world is falling apart and her end is about to come. I realized that the reason why she’s crumbling down is her resistance to change and denial of reality.

Her mistakes are mistakes of the past but she lingers on it and sulk herself feeling down and restless. I look at her eyes and ask “what the heck are you doing?” She stares blankly at me “I’m giving you everything you might need to survive yet you refuse to listen, I don’t want to hear any more from you, you have to hear me out…I’m giving you help can’t you see?” still she lowers her head and turn her back.

You see the problem there is she refuses to see the positive side of her life, because she so used to being the last and thinks that life is selfish and no one would care. She lives like that only to miss those people who are truly helping her. She embraces her giving-up point, she got swallowed by the sea.

I wanted to help her but what else is there to offer when everything I give her is not enough. She finds everything lacking and always something missing. I hate that the fact that she blames everything around her but never once doubted her self. She refuses to accept her mistakes and channel those disappointments around trivial matters, like if things doesn’t work her way she would say “because the coffee is not hot” or “the table is messy” or “the song is too loud” or the “shoes doesn’t match” or “the pen wouldn’t write” I can go on and on with her excuses but she never once mention “it’s me. I have a problem, I need help.” In reality no one would really admit they need help. It's a taboo in our society to cry for help, because if you do you'll be scrutinize and everyone else will get tired hearing your story, you'll get them bored.

You are a fool and you are so damn full of yourself and damn your insecurities. when someone's offering you help, you held your head high and refuse! You are missing life – you are dead before you can even die!

I will not raise the dead from her death but maybe grieve and let live. I have given enough support and now I need to move on. Good Riddance to bad rubbish! Next patient please!