Friday, April 16, 2010

Institutionalize Yourself! In-Your-FACE!

I was listening to Suicidal Tendencies “Institutionalized” yesterday and I was thinking this song speaks a lot. The Song narrates clear emotions and frustration of a person who is being judge and accuse by the society, his friends and even his own family. I’ve always wonder why is it that when we fail to follow the standard or whatever that the society dictates, they look at us like were crazy? Hmmm…Just because we act different or swerve away from the norms doesn’t mean that we’re strange. How do you identify the right from wrong? What is normal, rational or the standard for you?

The Following Verse are taken from the song Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies:

Verse I:

Sometimes I try to do things and it just doesn't work out the way I want it to. And I get real frustrated. It's like, I try hard to do it and I take my time, but it just doesn't work out the way I want it to. It's like I concentrate on it real hard, but it just doesn't work out. And everything I do and everything I try, it never turns out! It's like; I need time to figure these things out. There's always someone there going,

"Hey Mike, you know, we’ve been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately, you know. You should maybe get away, and like, maybe you should talk about it, you’d feel a lot better."

I go, "No, its okay you know, I'll figure it out. Just leave me alone, I'll figure it out you know, I'm just working on myself."

And they go, "Well, you know, if you wanna talk about it, I'll be here ya know, and you'll probably feel a lot better if ya talked about it, so why don'tcha talk about it?!"

I go, "No! I don't want to I'm okay! I'll figure it out myself!"

Who cares if we fail and vent out all our frustration into something like writing or drinking or crying or shouting, isn’t that normal? Sometimes we go over board if another person inflict us displeasure… what do you want us to do sit down, watch and smile, and just let that person snatch or destroy everything that we have? And so if we act hurt and express our emotion people will think that we’ve gone crazy or something bad is going to happen. They go offering support and asking question when all you want is total silence to contemplate on the things that’s running in your mind, while everyone’s playing their own favorite role: a psychologist or a therapist without license. But hey! For as long as I’m not killing anyone or inflicting pain on myself or committing arson I think people should back out and mind there own little business.

Verse II

I go, "No Mom, I'm not on drugs. I’m okay, I'm just thinking, you know. Why don't ya give me a Pepsi?"

She goes, "No, you're on drugs!"

I go, "Mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking."

She goes, "No, you're not thinking, you're on drugs! Normal people don't act in that way!"

I go, "Mom, just give me a Pepsi please, all I want is a Pepsi." And she wouldn't give it to me! Just one Pepsi! And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi! Just a Pepsi!

Damn it! The son Just wants Pepsi and the mother won't give it to him because she thinks his son is an addict!~~~ Supports are expected from everyone in the Family, but I see a lot of dysfunctional family relationship, when I say dysfunctional family it should not be mistaken that for broken family~~that’s misconception. Dysfunctional family means that they fail to communicate and know who their family members are; in which conflict, misbehavior and abuse on the each part of individual members happen continually or shall I say its part of their daily routine. I’ve grown up in a family that doesn’t have any fraternal influence and our family is quite big, as in, Big Extended Traditional Filipino Family. I was raised by my mother with the help of her two sisters and brother in laws who never judge and assume but let me speak my mind freely without inhibition. Even though I was not guided by fatherly rules my family never fails to discipline, support and understand me. We had our share of fights and misunderstanding but we always sit down and calibrate on whatever issues we have. I believe that everyone in my family offers understanding, patience and support, reasons why I, my sibling and my cousins learned not to mess around.

Verse III

And I go, "Wait! What are ya talking about?! We decided?! My best interest?! How do you know what my best interest is! How can you say what my best interest is!

And what are ya trying ta say, I'm crazy?! When I went to your schools! I went to your churches!
I went to your institutional learning facilities! So how can ya say I'm crazy?!

Our society is the real killer, sometimes I think they dictate too much that everyone is dying and trying so hard to be on top of their standards. Our society is the one who dictates our social status and roles. In my own words they are the one who can classify the poor from the aristocrat. They are the one who categorize the insane from the plainly idiotic or stupid. When they tag you as insane expect that everyone will be looking at you like you’ve committed a heinous crime or you're infected with some morbid contagious disease. I know that Society is essential for implementing rules to have peace and order but most of the times it’s just cliché and stereotype.

This line should own you How can you say what my best interest is!? When I went to your schools! I went to your churches! I went to your institutional learning facilities!” I’m not saying that humanity is bad in general, it’s a just that I think that we sometimes fail to see the real essence of each individuals and fail to recognized that each person are born unique. We don’t think the same, we don’t act the same, and we don’t eat and sh*t the same stuff!

I’m tired explaining this I’m sure those who are reading this will understand where I’m coming from. Bottom line: I hate the fact that people are judging others and saying what’s best for them, when they also have their own dysfunctional life. HEY! why don’t you just institutionalize yourself!

Your wish made me think!

On my birthday I received a lot of greetings and well wishes. But there’s this particular wish that made me think. Someone wished for me to find my own happiness. I know what it pertains to, I started questioning myself. Am I not that happy? Or Do I need anything/anyone to be happy?

What defines your happiness? Hmmmmm….?

  • Money
  • Luxury
  • Material things
  • Achieved Goals
  • Fancy Cars
  • Grandiose Mansion
  • Expensive designer Clothes
  • High-end Gadgets
  • Family
  • Food
  • Jewelries

I don’t know…I’m not going to tell you the things that should make you happy. You have to decide that on your own.

What makes me happy?

The fact that I’m still alive makes me happy. My son, my family, my friends, my colleagues, my career, my cheap finds, expressing my mind through my blog, travelling, listening to music, playing the guitar, reading books and blogs, taking my pictures and others, drinking and chatting with friends till morning, having a fine conversation with my seniors, I can list all the things even to the tiniest details but some would still question my life’s fulfillment.

I’m young, I can still sail my vessel to any direction that I wish. And I’m not going to depend my happiness on someone or something because I know that it will only be catastrophic. I am happy because I’m happy, it’s a state of mind, it an attitude. I can’t imagine myself living another life than my life today. We can never measure anyone’s happiness, so let’s not judge people by how they live their life and assume that~~ that person is miserable than you just because you think that your happiness will also define that person’s happiness. No don’t do that, don’t make that mistake.

Oh well, I’m happy that someone wished me to find my happiness and just a clarification I’m not angry. In fact, I’m thankful because if it weren’t for that I wouldn’t sit down and stop whatever I am doing to access and check my good sense. Maybe that person also affects me in a way that’s why I have to ask myself and check if I’m happy with my goddamn life. LOL ^^

Wacky Love

Last night while I was sleeping I felt someone hold my hand. He laid my hand in his chest, squeeze it tight, held it up to kiss it, rest it in his face and said he loves me. I feel secured after that, I know who he is. I don’t have to open my eyes. My heart knows who he is. He’s my favorite guy, my little rascal, my finest gentleman and I equally love him. I love my Wacky! He is my Son!

How can a kid show so much love? Joaquin is just 4 years old in a month from now he’ll be turning 5. I was wondering how a kid like that can demonstrate so much affection to his mother. When I know that a mother’s love is the most infinite love that anyone can ever have. But my son’s love overwhelms me. He who sings lullaby and stroke my hair to make me sleep, who laughs at every expression I give and he who mutters “you’re the best mom in the world” despite my short comings.

He’s very smart. Whipping everyone with his intellect and wit, he bagged 3 gold medals, two for winning a poetry interpretation and one for getting the first honor. I never doubted his capabilities, I trained him to be the best…I want him to have the best. He’s amazing, he makes me happy!

I’m grateful that God send Joaquin to me. He really knows what’s ahead so I guess he molded Joaquin to be my shelter. I feel really blessed. I wouldn’t ask for anything more.

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