Track 11

Today I’m listening to track 11 of which artist/band/album? ---that’s a secret that I have to keep. Right now that song represents my current situation and amazingly answers my questions…from the line “made me realize what I could not see”, indeed I have seen.

After taking so much time on someone who refuses to listen but insist on talking even if her world is falling apart and her end is about to come. I realized that the reason why she’s crumbling down is her resistance to change and denial of reality.

Lessons of 2010

One thing that I’ve learn this year is that the only thing that is constant is change, we change a lot, people change may it be for better or for worst—they change. You can’t be too complacent, you can’t be too trusting, and you can’t be too assumptive. You should put value in yourself and believe in your heart. And amidst all those changes I have learned to look at those who are still standing still, those who showed loyalty. All in all this year was not bad.

My Mind is perplexed, now that’s a Meme!

I don’t know what it means but every part of me is awesomely contradicting each part? You see, I have this very warm feeling inside so warm that I feel so cold. I also feel outlandishly happy- amazingly happy that I feel sad over this extreme happiness, is that happty-sad? I sigh over trivial things not the Negative-Annoying-Sigh but more of the Haay-what am I going to do?-Sigh, have you ever feel that?

I’m starting to believe that I'm experiencing olfactory hallucination because I can smell the same scent and I kept on following that scent to no avail but still fail to see where it’s coming from, all I know is I can smell sweet scents of musky flowers, it gives me shivers. I smile in a sudden swift not knowing why. My mood is as ever changing, and I feel like I'm riding a ship in a squall. But despite all of this shifts I still find it nice- NICE that’s all of I can think of, the best I can describe how I feel- I FEEL NICE.

I’m spacing out, I look at nothingness, and I swear, I can see that there is something in there, like it was there for a reason, a reason only I can understand. I wonder why I can see details, completeness and meaning amidst that emptiness, I'm seeing it like an abstract piece of art waiting to be scrutinize. WHAT THE F IS THAT?

Lately I’ve been listening to sad music, ok! Call that emo (whatever) but I’m rather confuse because I smile with every line...tch! get this: “ ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone, it’s not warm when she’s away, ain’t know sunshine when she’s gone, she’s always gone too long anytime she goes away…” what is there to smile about, tell me? But hey! look at me grinning like a fool! And I blame my brother for posting Maxwell’s new song “Pretty Wings” at his FB wall, now I smirk like a dupe listening to it for the Nth time and banging my head in an RnB motion. Maxwell is so amazing, how he can sing a sad song and makes me feel otherwise. Genius!

Have you ever had this feeling like... umm... when you feel like eating your favorite candy and yet you feel so guilty because someone wants it more than you do? So what do you do? Hahaha! You look at that person with an irritating but bewildered look, harhar! but still refuse to give up on your candy so you sat there quietly and just leave it like that, then walk away. Duh! of course I won’t give that person my candy, but I won’t eat my candy in front of that person either. I’m not going to watch that sad looking face and I’m not going to let that person watch my victorious chew as I take pleasure in each bite. LOLS! I’m not your sadistic nor masochistic kinda’ girl but sometimes, just sometimes I find it exciting *rolling my eyes in delight*….hahaha my heart is such a meme and it‘s working dumb today…I feel so confused.

~Away from me to see clearly, the way that love can be when you are not with me...

I HAD TO LEAVE, I HAD TO LIVE!

~~~FLY YOUR PRETTY WINGS AROUND.

Interview 101~ The Reincarnated Levz

This is me undergoing reincarnation! Bwahahahaha!

I've been doing interviews for the past 3 days. Unfortunately, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. It’s funny how some of them answer my questions and how the conversation went. I ask myself what is wrong with these people or is it just me!?

Interview I: The woman of 40’s.

Me: you have supervisory experience, why are you applying for an agent post?

Applicant: Because I don’t like responsibilities and I don’t wanna be responsible for anyone.

*WOW!*

Then I ask: are you saying that you’re afraid and can’t handle responsibilities?

She said: YES *with so much confidence*

WOW AGAIN! Darn!

Interview II: The Rock and Roll applicant

Me: Do you have any special skills or talents?

Applicant: Well, I don’t see myself as a talented person but I’m very competitive. I’m someone who wants to be on top among my friends, if not, I would rather kill myself.

WOW! That is very suicidal!

Interview III The Guru : The book salesman.

Me: Please give me a sample of your sales presentation?

Applicant: Hi Ma’am you better buy this book because this book will teach you about Karma and Reincarnation.

Me: Ok, but I’m not that interested in those two topics.

Applicant: You better be because sooner or later we will all die.

Me: *Jaw dropping on the floor* Have you read that book?

Applicant: Yes.

Me: Ok, can you tell me your understanding about reincarnation?

Applicant: Reincarnation is a transformation from one physical being to another.

Me: Can you site an example. *LOLS, I was betting he'll be using the butterfly's life cycle*

Applicant: You have reincarnated yourself from who you are now.

Me: What do you mean?

Applicant: you see, you have experienced reincarnation when you have transformed yourself from when you are a baby to a full adult, that’s the reason why you can’t remember your childhood anymore.

I’m so effin thunderstruck. I wanna say: what the hell are you blabbering about? For pitts’ sake that’s physical transformation and selective memory recollection!

I'm tired! I don't know, but the last time I've check you're suppose to give your best and sell yourself during an interview and pretend to be as normal as you can be, neh?

Anyways, I'm looking forward for more interviews and hoping that I'll be able to find the one that I've been looking for.

Freaky Thursday: Stairs Combat Exhibition!^^

My daily routine when I wake up~ first is to check on whom texted me while I was sleeping. I won’t read the messages yet but fix my coffee and lit my cig then open the radio and then take a bath. The only time I’ll be reading and replying to those messages is after taking a bath.

This morning after getting out of the bathroom I grab my phone and started reading messages while walking up the stairs! BIG MISTAKE! Both of my hands are on my phone as I was reading and replying to text messages and I slip face first! Everything was fast; I can see that it’s either my nose or my lips that will be landing on the edge of the steps, so I have to think quickly! I tilt my head and I landed on my chin.

I was shock and shaking, everyone was still sleeping, thoughts are running through my head... what if I hit it bad and die in that instance no one would be there to help me. I scream and cry, teehee! I cried! Hahahaha! My mom heard my scream and panicked, running, shouting my name and asking what happened. When I stood up I grab my face, *BS* my chin was swelling and damn how it hurts!

Stupidity is inevitable, this can happen to anyone we just have to experience first to be careful next time! Lols!

Be safe everyone! ^^

How Bizarre~ September!

Things aren't sailing the way I wanted it to be, but this September I expect my winds to shift into a different direction. And just when I thought that everything is at mess--- tadah! A savior scooped me out of the puddle of mud! And I skip and hop and hum!

Technically I should not be greeting everyone a Merry Christmas, it’s too early for merry greetings but since I’m in the mood ~~~Merry Christmas ^^

August was a burden on the later part and I was annoyed by some people especially with the one who send me that nasty email…Hahaha! I had written my two cents about that issues but it’s something that I should not talk about when I’m feeling a little gorgeous. But I still wanna put some excerpts of what I have written. Here it goes:

Thing are really getting annoyingly out of hand and I’m on the verge of frying that man! Yeah, I’m pissed off the fact that those kids don’t know what the heck they are talking about made me cringe in anger. I would never and doesn’t have any intention of destroying their relationship, the fact that those tweets are under my accounts and no name was mentioned clearly states that I won’t meddle in their issues and those are mine if anyone would react then I shall say you are guilty as charge. Unfortunately, as he effin claim that he is not lurking in my life ~isn’t true, the fact that he send me those nasty email in conjunction to what I have tweet and accused me of prowling in his life is an effin lie because he wouldn’t react if he was not silently reading my tweets and this blog at the comfort of his own friggin time! Aha! You are reading my blog! Hohoho! Caught you! Sneaky sneaky!

You! on the other hand, would understand when you grow up that these things are too complicated to handle and would hope it won’t happen to you! I’m sure when the right time comes you would thank me for being this straight. Are you ready to handle the consequences of your action? Are you ready to get involve in a difficult situation that would require emotional and legalities not to mention facing the truth that we are in? Are you ready to let everyone including your Fam (if you are that bad serious abt it) know the truth about your relationship without losing their trust, humiliating or hurting them? Those are the questions that you should be asking yourself because no matter how you deny the fact we cannot run away! Yes WE! Hehehe I’m part of it so lets partey like it’s hot!

I for a fact don’t want to get involve with that person in any form of relationship. He put me in a great deal of humiliation and destroyed what I have worked hard to achieve and I would never forgive him on that matter. The fact that he is so selfish, stubborn and inconsiderate of mine and the little boy’s situation is unacceptable and I would never pay the respect that he is claiming to earn. You mister doesn’t deserve any reverence in any form. And I have never loathed anyone in my years of existence and you will always remind me of that feeling, no matter how I resist anger. And I (in God’s time) will commit myself again, but until that right time comes I won’t involve anyone at my mess because I believe in K-A-R-M-A! *Chameleon, they come and go wooh-ooh!*

The end.

**I might scrub this out after 3 days or so, I don’t want to taint my space. I know--- I said it’s just an excerpt but 'twas long believe me when I say that I have cut it to make it short. I think I have written like 2000 words for that issue alone! Hahahaha!

September is giving me a good vibes. IDK, but I smell scents of lilies and pine trees it gives me a good feeling. My mood is perfect and before I knew it I’ll be hearing Christmas carols plus the weather is getting breezy. I’m getting the Christmas jitters. So welcome Ber-months!

Oh and for my playlist, I’ve been listening to Bice *pronounce as bee-che* she’s a Japanese singer/songwriter, she composed several anime soundtrack like Mahoraba~ Heartful days, Kirarin Revolution and Kimi wa petto (Japanese Manga Adaptation). Unfortunately she died of heart attack last July 26, 2010, she’s just 38 years of age. She’s a genius songwriter and according to her last blog she was supposed to release a song or collaborate for an upcoming anime. I specially love her songs Cloudy Sky, Like Someone in love, Akubi, Tsusunde Ageru, and An apple a day. Her song Like Someone in Love and Cloudy Sky is constantly playing on my list. I’m thinking of cutting my bangs in full to show my heartfelt tribute to her ^^ Rest in Peace Bice. Kanpai anata no jinsei ni!

Anyways, here’s a preview of what I did on the first day of September, I’ll be writing about the place and the food on a different account. This was at Chungkiwa my favorite Korean Restaurant in Makati, I’ve been there a couple of times so I think they deserve some commendation ^^jalmugutseumnida! Kamsahamnida!^^

Welcome September! Give me some good clouds ^^v

If I fall hard

I’m scared of the possibility of me falling in love again, I promised myself it will never happen again...not that I’m in a relationship right now honestly I am not in any of that form. But why am I scared because I can see that it is something that can’t be avoided in one way or another I will fall for someone who I will always doubt and be paranoid of his intentions.

I hate going through the motion of giving myself to a person and being in a vulnerable state, to love is to get hurt and got get hurt is something that I can’t afford. I have turned down men a couple of times and sway away whenever I feel that the friendship is going somewhere I would never want to be in. But this time I am thinking, why am I doing that? Am I going to reject everyone? Don’t I want to be happy? Why am I building so many walls? Why am I blocking them from loving me?

My last relationship was the most disastrous I’ve ever been. I have loved that person unconditionally more that I could ever love myself or anyone in that instance. I was hurt badly I was disarmed and that pain dismantled my soul. For years I was blaming everyone, everything that I can, myself, the people around us, the situation, and the wrong moves. and yet I deny that fact that, that person was the one responsible for all the pain I was going through. He never admit his mistakes and he never said sorry for causing such pain instead he façade me with his “I don’t care how you hurt” face and said all those nasty words that made me who I am right now. He throw away all that we had and he eat all of his words like a famished creature wanting to hide all he could devour so I won’t be able to hunt all those pieces and shove it in his mouth.

I wanted to scream in his face and tell him how much he have damage me but that won’t do any good. That person had grew to someone I don’t know anymore, I’m not familiar on that side of his. He has grown into someone completely alien from that person I grew up with and talking to him about my pain would only be a laughable mistake.

If I could turn back the time I would pick up all the pieces and mistake but all is said and done. Even writing this entry doesn’t help or do any good it’s just me and venting all these turmoil inside me, although years have passed but the damage are irreversible. I have grown to out love that person and I can say I don’t care anymore. but I’m still wishing for sincerity coming from that person at least not for me but between the words that we said and for him to take responsibility and be a dignified matured man because right now all I can see from him are his failures and his pathetic life swinging from one college girl to another and putting away his wacky…tsk tsk tsk…focus and know where you’re heading at, you only have one shot in this life and I won’t be responsible for all the choices that you make and made so stop blaming everything on me because I am beautiful and I trying live a refine life.

Today I promise that I would go easy on myself and open up to the right person, I won’t rush things but be more cautious and meticulous in choosing what is right and be more sensitive to the signs. I would be more objective and be open with the idea or possibility of falling in love again. I don’t wanna wake up feeling that I don’t have a future and I will fall in love but not fall hard on the ground.

Bashful Smurfette!

Don’t be bashful ~ I remember being told when I refuse to get from the basket of goodies that was being offered to me during one of the conference I was in. Why does it hit me so much? Thinking of how it was said in a gentle manner makes me feel like getting one or two of those pastries. Although I know that I wouldn’t (couldn’t) eat since I was busy taking notes and listening profoundly to all the discussion.

Was I really a bashful Smurfette? Thinking about it and applying it to old scenarios in my life I think at some point I was.

• Scene 1 when being invited to a party: I remember being invited to a lot during my teen years and how many times I’ve turned down invitations, not unless they carry me or drag me out. I don’t mean special treatment I was just too shy to mingle.
• Scene 2 at a party: I would refuse to neither look at anyone in an eye to eye manner nor talk to anyone I don’t know. If they ask me, I just will give them a one liner and leave after. I feel so awkward and uncomfortable unless of course I’m intoxicated LOL (so I drink a lot! Haha!)
• Scene 3 at a party: I remember being offered to eat but refusing because I feel shy and I think it’s not cool.
• Scene 4 when I was in studying: I remember knowing the answers to the questions thrown by my professors but refusing to raise my hand no matter how sure I was, simply because I don’t want anyone’s attention to be drawn at me.
• Scene 5 when I was still playing in a band: I remember how I never talk to anyone other than my band mates during gigs and just giving people a nod, awkward unsure thanks and burying my head low whenever someone said that we/I did well because I was too timid to start a conversation or maybe intimidated.
• Scene 6 when I was at school: I remember being under a lot of stress when someone talks to me on the first day of class beads of sweat running at my back, can’t look at their eyes and my awkwardness are spilling over the place.

So was I bashful? I think I’m more like lacking self confidence or I’m the bearer of inferiority complex back then.

If you just met me yesterday I know that you’ll be giving a lot of bull crap saying that I’m a bad b*stard who talk nonsense or might be asking me if I’m a fictional writer trying to create a fictional character because you can’t see any of those personality coming from me…but in reality I was “before” that shy, timid, coy, bashful, insecure, introvert, unconfident, antisocial girl in the corner trying to blend within the walls of the room.

My present smurfette:
When you offer me something that I refuse to take and say "No, Thank you!" I really mean NO, it’s not because I’m being bashful or shy its just that I really don’t like it. Yeah I know sometimes or most of the times I’m so full of myself and my big mouth is uncontrollable, I laugh the loudest now, I eat like a pig unless I’m on a diet, I’m that sarcastic blunt person who can’t contain her thoughts and I randomly speak to strangers specially if I caught them looking at me, I just can’t help but ask them why they stare. And sometimes you don’t need to send any invitation I will just show my self in front of your door the moment you say you’ll have a party (don’t worry I don’t do gate crash, I still follow my manners and that’s too unfashionable hahaha) .

I don’t know when or how exactly I recovered those confidence but slowly I have gained it maybe because of my family, my group of friends, my elders who pushed me to lead all those youth organization, the books that I have read, the bands that I have joined and the number of times I stood in front of the stage, those amazing people I meet and inspired me to speak my mind and be the best just like them. Those people who never hold themselves from giving me my bad and good points. Or maybe because despite all of that timidity I am really competitive and losing is something that I can’t stand and lastly maybe because I’m a dreamer I know that keeping myself quiet will only give credit to those people who speak out my ideas.

I’m Swimming Moon: A losers' Journal for summer of 2010

First things First, Let me share this:

I love you Summer Sea, the scent of the morning ocean, the wind that blew in my face, the ebb and flow of the salty water in my shinny feet when I walk your sandy shore will always be in my heart (lol I’m trying to write a short story here JOKE). But I loath the idea of the sun kissing myskin (at least for this summer)…I refuse to be engulf with your torrid French kiss…it’s like kissing a teenage kiddo, first timer and salivating all over my face (LOL) I bet my mouth will swell…That’s how I will describe you summer of 2010 sweet and gross…sunscreen will lose its value and yes! no SPF is good enough for you.

So there, go swim lazy ass in thy inflatable giant pool with lots n’ lotsa balls…I has balls! Oh yes!

I am the perfect epitome of a Dead Kid if we talk about summer of 2010.

This is the most boring summer I ever had in my life. I didn’t prepare any summer activities unlike last year when I went around beach bumming in different places.

I’ve lost interest this summer simply because I can’t stand the heat. Manila can be mistaken as a brick oven waiting for Hansel and Gretel to be baked. And I refuse so I held the stick for the hungry witch.

Not only that I hate the heat, I’m also extremely lazy to think around planning and searching for a nice place to go. Last year I’ve planned to go to Anawagin for this year, but not anymore Although Anawagin is really a nice place to go (I know you don’t have to bash at how stupid I can be). I hate the fact that I have to ride a bus, then ride a trike, then ride a boat, then set up a tent, then cook my own meal, then get drunk at night with cheap vodka or rum, then pass out, then sleep with mosquitoes, then wake up with killer hangover and insect bites, then use the common bathroom, and then wash myself in the deep well pump, then panic because my time is almost up while folding the tent and I’m still hangover and the boat ride is waiting and those things that will make me more stress than relax.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not a prima donna or no douchebag or something I just hate the idea of going to a vacay while stressing the whole time thinking what I should do next or have I done this and that or do we have supplies, food, drinks and other that will fancy me. Few years back I wouldn’t even think twice doing those things but I’m tired of my life in the metro so I would rather enjoy things that are less strenuous. Excuse me to those who enjoyed Anawagin this summer, maybe next year I will try and plan again.

Let’s me reminisce my last year’s beach get away at least that’s the best thing I can do for this loser’s summer:

Cagbalete Trip with my friends

Laiya Batangas with my Team:

Bintan Indonesia with my Family:

Sentosa Singapore


Amana Water Park

This years Activity:

BATAAN

Nothing Else.

I remember one thing that makes me say no to beach this year. A friend of mine just told me recently how dark my complexion was last year after returning from Singapore. He actually uses the word "DARKOIDS" and I was laughing outside and cursing him in my mind LOL. My complexion is still dark though I’m a natural Filipina.

Well summer of 2010 is almost over and I can’t wait for the rain to come and swim in the moon but please don’t give us another Ondoy Mr. Fickle Weather.

The things that Wrinkles my Nose

Pet Peeves: Annoyance at its Finest PartII

• People who rides in public transport without taking a bath first
• People who doesn’t take a bath
• Waking up and realizing that I just slept over a nice opportunity. NICE!
• Missing the greatest opportunity because of my stupidity and idiotic remarks hehehe!
• Waking up without coffee and smoke
• Waking up late because I failed to hear the alarm clock
• Waking up late because my freakazoid thumb just keeps on pressing snooze until I dozed off permanently
• Poop in the street. I once throw a pair of shoes just because I landed on the jackpot.
• People who let their dogs run around and treat the neighborhood as a dog pooped world.
• Dogs who effinly chase people off the street (I Love DOGS I just hate some of their MASTERS)
• People who brags (ok it’s different from people who humbly show their achievements).
• People who criticize but hey look at them *sarcastic laugh*
• People who talks nonsense
• People who can’t see beyond, as in you have to literally explain everything to them.
• People who can’t answer/explain why…WHY??? Hmmm?
• People who overly react like “HUWAT????? OMG!!! YOU’RE Freaking/ F*cking/Kidding me!!!” (And we are inside the church/conference room/ movie house and other places where you can’t be like that).
• No internet connection and we're paying in full. Same as with no cable, telephone lines, electricity and what not.
• Parents who hits or humiliates their kids in public *SIGH*
• Hot Hot Weather!
• Spending money
• Over Eating!

When YOU CUT my Soul

Times like this when I feel I have to draw the line. For some time I have been very patience and I guess I have given all my understanding. Yeah, you call me bitch and call me the worst person who say’s everything I wanted to say without any repercussion and I think you describe me very well. But didn't you know that I've been very careful with how I deal things with you not because I was required to but because I care. But today I am officially hurting, not mad, not angry, not annoyed but HURT!

I was called by names a million times, I remember I was the “JINX” and I was humiliated a couple of times too…I never argue about that, I was always willing to let it pass and I guess by doing that I have suppressed some emotions inside. I have bottled it all up and now I just can’t take it. Then I have to blame myself because I refuse to deal with it, I let it slip away without knowing that I was cradling it all inside.

Respect! Yes, that’s a very intricate word. How do you define the word respect? Do you show it through words, through action, through thoughts? I don’t know you tell me. Let me realize what the word respect means.

You have stated very well how brutally frank I am, how sarcastic I can be , how diabolic my thinking is and how blunt I speak. But dude! Didn’t you made it clear that you know me and you acknowledged the fact that it’s part of who I am? If I have hurt you or if those are cause of your insolence then why didn’t you say that I was bad being me? I was being ME for God’s sake! And you know what? I won’t even mention any good side of which I am…it’s all up to you my friend, if you can even think of any. Tsk tsk tsk!

And yes I have a heart of stone and I don’t get easily affected by how people look at me, I don’t give a damn to what they say, they don’t matter, they don’t even exist in my world and even if they reject me I wouldn’t give a BS. But WE, we are FRIENDS (aren’t we?).

Now I’m beginning to question and doubt why we are friends? I’m not a person who enumerates the variables between friendships but I’m starting too and I swear it’s not a good feeling. My head is spinning and my heart is aching.

I had it today and I guess it's time to rest my head on this matter…I hope I made it all clear. It's a small issue I know, but I guess I’ll never know when a small bite can trigger my death. I rest my case.

Institutionalize Yourself! In-Your-FACE!

I was listening to Suicidal Tendencies “Institutionalized” yesterday and I was thinking this song speaks a lot. The Song narrates clear emotions and frustration of a person who is being judge and accuse by the society, his friends and even his own family. I’ve always wonder why is it that when we fail to follow the standard or whatever that the society dictates, they look at us like were crazy? Hmmm…Just because we act different or swerve away from the norms doesn’t mean that we’re strange. How do you identify the right from wrong? What is normal, rational or the standard for you?

The Following Verse are taken from the song Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies:

Verse I:

Sometimes I try to do things and it just doesn't work out the way I want it to. And I get real frustrated. It's like, I try hard to do it and I take my time, but it just doesn't work out the way I want it to. It's like I concentrate on it real hard, but it just doesn't work out. And everything I do and everything I try, it never turns out! It's like; I need time to figure these things out. There's always someone there going,

"Hey Mike, you know, we’ve been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately, you know. You should maybe get away, and like, maybe you should talk about it, you’d feel a lot better."

I go, "No, its okay you know, I'll figure it out. Just leave me alone, I'll figure it out you know, I'm just working on myself."

And they go, "Well, you know, if you wanna talk about it, I'll be here ya know, and you'll probably feel a lot better if ya talked about it, so why don'tcha talk about it?!"

I go, "No! I don't want to I'm okay! I'll figure it out myself!"

Who cares if we fail and vent out all our frustration into something like writing or drinking or crying or shouting, isn’t that normal? Sometimes we go over board if another person inflict us displeasure… what do you want us to do sit down, watch and smile, and just let that person snatch or destroy everything that we have? And so if we act hurt and express our emotion people will think that we’ve gone crazy or something bad is going to happen. They go offering support and asking question when all you want is total silence to contemplate on the things that’s running in your mind, while everyone’s playing their own favorite role: a psychologist or a therapist without license. But hey! For as long as I’m not killing anyone or inflicting pain on myself or committing arson I think people should back out and mind there own little business.

Verse II

I go, "No Mom, I'm not on drugs. I’m okay, I'm just thinking, you know. Why don't ya give me a Pepsi?"

She goes, "No, you're on drugs!"

I go, "Mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking."

She goes, "No, you're not thinking, you're on drugs! Normal people don't act in that way!"

I go, "Mom, just give me a Pepsi please, all I want is a Pepsi." And she wouldn't give it to me! Just one Pepsi! And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi! Just a Pepsi!

Damn it! The son Just wants Pepsi and the mother won't give it to him because she thinks his son is an addict!~~~ Supports are expected from everyone in the Family, but I see a lot of dysfunctional family relationship, when I say dysfunctional family it should not be mistaken that for broken family~~that’s misconception. Dysfunctional family means that they fail to communicate and know who their family members are; in which conflict, misbehavior and abuse on the each part of individual members happen continually or shall I say its part of their daily routine. I’ve grown up in a family that doesn’t have any fraternal influence and our family is quite big, as in, Big Extended Traditional Filipino Family. I was raised by my mother with the help of her two sisters and brother in laws who never judge and assume but let me speak my mind freely without inhibition. Even though I was not guided by fatherly rules my family never fails to discipline, support and understand me. We had our share of fights and misunderstanding but we always sit down and calibrate on whatever issues we have. I believe that everyone in my family offers understanding, patience and support, reasons why I, my sibling and my cousins learned not to mess around.

Verse III

And I go, "Wait! What are ya talking about?! We decided?! My best interest?! How do you know what my best interest is! How can you say what my best interest is!

And what are ya trying ta say, I'm crazy?! When I went to your schools! I went to your churches!

I went to your institutional learning facilities! So how can ya say I'm crazy?!

Our society is the real killer, sometimes I think they dictate too much that everyone is dying and trying so hard to be on top of their standards. Our society is the one who dictates our social status and roles. In my own words they are the one who can classify the poor from the aristocrat. They are the one who categorize the insane from the plainly idiotic or stupid. When they tag you as insane expect that everyone will be looking at you like you’ve committed a heinous crime or you're infected with some morbid contagious disease. I know that Society is essential for implementing rules to have peace and order but most of the times it’s just cliché and stereotype.

This line should own you “How can you say what my best interest is!? When I went to your schools! I went to your churches! I went to your institutional learning facilities!” I’m not saying that humanity is bad in general, it’s a just that I think that we sometimes fail to see the real essence of each individuals and fail to recognized that each person are born unique. We don’t think the same, we don’t act the same, and we don’t eat and sh*t the same stuff!

I’m tired explaining this I’m sure those who are reading this will understand where I’m coming from. Bottom line: I hate the fact that people are judging others and saying what’s best for them, when they also have their own dysfunctional life. HEY! why don’t you just institutionalize yourself!

Today is my Birthday Yahooo! (Boooo YOU)!

Last night I get to celebrate my Bday with some of my closest friends. Made some California Maki to go with the red wine and vodka (which made me think now hmmm… what’s with me drinking Red wine and eating Maki? lol). We stayed up until 5am or until my head was spinning…hmmm Red wine and Vodka is a bad combo, I was advice never to mix or to take two different alcohols at the same time. How Stupid!

Before I went to bed I remember writing something for my blog, but just as I was about to post it I change my mind. That was really out of this world, I was writing something about what I wish to have and I’m drunk so my mouth or shall I say my mind was blabbering with stupidity. Anyways below are some parts of that deleted post:

“I only have one wish right now. I want 12 books that I can read for the next 12 months or until my next birthday! I’m totally drunk my head is spinning and I wish to watch the music video of “Pure Shore” (All Saints). I always make fun of myself while watching that video, when I’m all smashed up it helps my head to spin some more…Arrgh! This is annoying I can’t even think straight…anyways I want 12 books!!! And maybe I want you too!”

Ok I’m going to cut it right there, the content after that are totally BS and I congratulate myself for thinking twice before posting…can’t reveal any more of my intoxicated brain.

So I went to bed and I can see from my window that it’s already sunny outside hmmm…I held on to my eye mask (or eye cover or whatever you call that thingy that you use to cover your eyes with when sleeping) and turn on the AC so I can sleep in peace.

At 2 pm I woke up with Wacky jumping and showering me birthday kisses. I realized that I have to do something but my head is pounding so I decided to take a quick shower to refresh myself. After that quick bath I gather all the things that I need for that something and HELL YEAH! I was starting my 365 project and so my room is in total mess… I was desperately seeking for white walls where I can pose and get a good clean background, but unfortunately our walls are painted in mustard yellow (poop paint) and blue. I can’t afford to change the wall paint just because I’m starting with this project so I resigned myself to blue background. So, there goes my little dorky-camwhore-self posing and taking pictures.

Finally here are my wish lists for my BDAY:

1. Camera Remote: I need that badly if I want to survive and succeed in this 365 project. It’s hard to take self photos using timer. I feel stupid smiling and projecting for like 10 seconds or until I hear the click sound.
2. 12 new books: I’m still wishing for that!
3. Head Phones: Skullcandy, Urban Ears, Mix-Style or Sennheiser or Monster beats (Monster Beat my face! in my dreams).
4. Hongkong/Macau: I don’t wish to own Hongkong or Macau my wish is to travel back there this year.
5. To Travel ALONE: I want to experience that big time! I wish I can do that!
6. Lots of Money: who would not wish for that LOL!
7. Quit Smoking: Yes I’m wishing to have that will power to stop this bad habit.
8. Good Health: Not only for myself but for my Family and Friends as well.
9. More Friends: I wish to gain more friends and reconcile with those I have issue with.
10. More Skills: It’s never too late to learn more things I wish I can be good in guitars, photography and I wish to learn at least two new languages I’m planning Korean, Japanese or French.

Maybe I should also wish to have a fairy odd parent Haha! So I can rush those little fancy! And lastly I wish for World Peace! (My humor is getting repulsive everyday) LOL.

Anyways, that’s all that I have for today…I got a lot of greetings from friends and that made my day. I’m so happy and I feel so blessed for having a very supportive family and friends that keeps me sane. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. On second thought maybe I can trade them for a million dollar! HAHAHA!