Seasonal Blues- Writers Block

Lately I've been having this trouble with my self, I can’t get my head straight thus having this writers block. I wonder what’s going on... I've lost my vigor for taking photos, I feel lazy going out, no trips out of town, I've cut down my budget for shopping so I've nothing new to get excited about. I listened to all sorts of music and I have a lot of things going through my mind trying to figure out how to put in words all these emotions that I have when listening to certain music from different Indie artists/bands---but can’t put in the words to make a good review. I feel that it’s such a waste to write something when my head is clouded with confusion and question; I know I wouldn't be able to give justice when my head is hanging empty.

Panic in the Street of Beyond

There are a lot of things to think about, the news has it all. This past few weeks are filled with dreaded and whimsy headline. I won’t give details but the Royal Wedding, Benediction of Pope John Paul II and Osama being dead are just some of the major. And others like earthquake here and there and who win what and who lead who and whatnot. 

Part of me is saying WTF! Growing old means feeling a great concern of what’s happening around. Honestly, at my age, I still feel like a kid who never gets tired of playing around. I walk the streets of Ayala everyday and see different kind of people, most of the time the elders would caught my attention. My refusal to accept that someday my hair would turn gray, my eyes would lose its sparkle of youth and my skin would crumple, things like that  would hit me in an instant and I feel a little panic on my stomach.

This is the story of a Girl!

This is the story of a girl who cried a river and drown the whole world…This is what I’m actually doing right now crying a river waiting for the whole world to drown with my misery…I’m turning to be a big hater!  I just can’t get it! I can’t get the fact that I can’t do the things that I like simply because people are thinking of their own convenience…selfish! Are we all born just to think of ourselves not to care to those who sit besides us?

Track 11

Today I’m listening to track 11 of which artist/band/album? ---that’s a secret that I have to keep. Right now that song represents my current situation and amazingly answers my questions…from the line “made me realize what I could not see”, indeed I have seen.

After taking so much time on someone who refuses to listen but insist on talking even if her world is falling apart and her end is about to come. I realized that the reason why she’s crumbling down is her resistance to change and denial of reality.

You won’t always get my answer- coz I don’t have em!

It’s funny how people always laugh when I give them the stupidest answer to their most normal question. Ok let me replace that: I always give the lamest, stupidest, sarcastic answer to their questions and they still laugh. You can try and engage a conversation with me in my most normal state and all you’ll get from me are stupid nonsense. I don’t carry all the answers for you, my disk has a limit in capacity. But I'll always say (whenever I have a chance) never be afraid to ask and so they always ask (hehehe). Very well, they know how to follow instructions.

Lessons of 2010

One thing that I’ve learn this year is that the only thing that is constant is change, we change a lot, people change may it be for better or for worst—they change. You can’t be too complacent, you can’t be too trusting, and you can’t be too assumptive. You should put value in yourself and believe in your heart. And amidst all those changes I have learned to look at those who are still standing still, those who showed loyalty. All in all this year was not bad.

My Heart is Singing

Merry Christmas everyone--- Of course, I’m singing my heart out at this blog…I don’t know but something's making me smile today. Not too happy but the fact that I know that someone out there is spreading some magic it’s never too late to have a merry day.

One thing I’ve learn from all the weddings that I have attended this year, not only those I have partake in, but each and every girl I know who had their wedding this year taught me that patience is important.

My Mind is perplexed, now that’s a Meme!

I don’t know what it means but every part of me is awesomely contradicting each part? You see, I have this very warm feeling inside so warm that I feel so cold. I also feel outlandishly happy- amazingly happy that I feel sad over this extreme happiness, is that happty-sad? I sigh over trivial things not the Negative-Annoying-Sigh but more of the Haay-what am I going to do?-Sigh, have you ever feel that?

I’m starting to believe that I'm experiencing olfactory hallucination because I can smell the same scent and I kept on following that scent to no avail but still fail to see where it’s coming from, all I know is I can smell sweet scents of musky flowers, it gives me shivers. I smile in a sudden swift not knowing why. My mood is as ever changing, and I feel like I'm riding a ship in a squall. But despite all of this shifts I still find it nice- NICE that’s all of I can think of, the best I can describe how I feel- I FEEL NICE.

I’m spacing out, I look at nothingness, and I swear, I can see that there is something in there, like it was there for a reason, a reason only I can understand. I wonder why I can see details, completeness and meaning amidst that emptiness, I'm seeing it like an abstract piece of art waiting to be scrutinize. WHAT THE F IS THAT?

Lately I’ve been listening to sad music, ok! Call that emo (whatever) but I’m rather confuse because I smile with every line...tch! get this: “ ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone, it’s not warm when she’s away, ain’t know sunshine when she’s gone, she’s always gone too long anytime she goes away…” what is there to smile about, tell me? But hey! look at me grinning like a fool! And I blame my brother for posting Maxwell’s new song “Pretty Wings” at his FB wall, now I smirk like a dupe listening to it for the Nth time and banging my head in an RnB motion. Maxwell is so amazing, how he can sing a sad song and makes me feel otherwise. Genius!

Have you ever had this feeling like... umm... when you feel like eating your favorite candy and yet you feel so guilty because someone wants it more than you do? So what do you do? Hahaha! You look at that person with an irritating but bewildered look, harhar! but still refuse to give up on your candy so you sat there quietly and just leave it like that, then walk away. Duh! of course I won’t give that person my candy, but I won’t eat my candy in front of that person either. I’m not going to watch that sad looking face and I’m not going to let that person watch my victorious chew as I take pleasure in each bite. LOLS! I’m not your sadistic nor masochistic kinda’ girl but sometimes, just sometimes I find it exciting *rolling my eyes in delight*….hahaha my heart is such a meme and it‘s working dumb today…I feel so confused.

~Away from me to see clearly, the way that love can be when you are not with me...

I HAD TO LEAVE, I HAD TO LIVE!

~~~FLY YOUR PRETTY WINGS AROUND.

As wreck as you think you are not!

Hahaha! I can’t help but laugh silently whenever I see people who are so darn hypocrite trying to live a lavida loca life huh?! Dang I feel bad for them and they have no way to go but out! Oh and those few who believe and goes with their “I-see-it-is- real”~ ooops it’s a REEL!

It’s frustrating me because I don’t see their real heart or maybe that’s not it. It’s because I know exactly who they are and what’s in their heart and I feel sorry to those who surrounds them and think that they are seeing that person’s legitimacy or content! Errrrr! WRONG! It’s a now you see and darn! you see more…more…more! More of the slicker skin!

It’s a NO, not your fairytale Baby! Fairies doesn’t exist, nor prince charming, no unicorns and what rainbow bubbles? Tsk! Wake up baby before I burst your bubbles!

How Bizarre~ September!

Things aren't sailing the way I wanted it to be, but this September I expect my winds to shift into a different direction. And just when I thought that everything is at mess--- tadah! A savior scooped me out of the puddle of mud! And I skip and hop and hum!

Technically I should not be greeting everyone a Merry Christmas, it’s too early for merry greetings but since I’m in the mood ~~~Merry Christmas ^^

August was a burden on the later part and I was annoyed by some people especially with the one who send me that nasty email…Hahaha! I had written my two cents about that issues but it’s something that I should not talk about when I’m feeling a little gorgeous. But I still wanna put some excerpts of what I have written. Here it goes:

Thing are really getting annoyingly out of hand and I’m on the verge of frying that man! Yeah, I’m pissed off the fact that those kids don’t know what the heck they are talking about made me cringe in anger. I would never and doesn’t have any intention of destroying their relationship, the fact that those tweets are under my accounts and no name was mentioned clearly states that I won’t meddle in their issues and those are mine if anyone would react then I shall say you are guilty as charge. Unfortunately, as he effin claim that he is not lurking in my life ~isn’t true, the fact that he send me those nasty email in conjunction to what I have tweet and accused me of prowling in his life is an effin lie because he wouldn’t react if he was not silently reading my tweets and this blog at the comfort of his own friggin time! Aha! You are reading my blog! Hohoho! Caught you! Sneaky sneaky!

You! on the other hand, would understand when you grow up that these things are too complicated to handle and would hope it won’t happen to you! I’m sure when the right time comes you would thank me for being this straight. Are you ready to handle the consequences of your action? Are you ready to get involve in a difficult situation that would require emotional and legalities not to mention facing the truth that we are in? Are you ready to let everyone including your Fam (if you are that bad serious abt it) know the truth about your relationship without losing their trust, humiliating or hurting them? Those are the questions that you should be asking yourself because no matter how you deny the fact we cannot run away! Yes WE! Hehehe I’m part of it so lets partey like it’s hot!

I for a fact don’t want to get involve with that person in any form of relationship. He put me in a great deal of humiliation and destroyed what I have worked hard to achieve and I would never forgive him on that matter. The fact that he is so selfish, stubborn and inconsiderate of mine and the little boy’s situation is unacceptable and I would never pay the respect that he is claiming to earn. You mister doesn’t deserve any reverence in any form. And I have never loathed anyone in my years of existence and you will always remind me of that feeling, no matter how I resist anger. And I (in God’s time) will commit myself again, but until that right time comes I won’t involve anyone at my mess because I believe in K-A-R-M-A! *Chameleon, they come and go wooh-ooh!*

The end.

**I might scrub this out after 3 days or so, I don’t want to taint my space. I know--- I said it’s just an excerpt but 'twas long believe me when I say that I have cut it to make it short. I think I have written like 2000 words for that issue alone! Hahahaha!

September is giving me a good vibes. IDK, but I smell scents of lilies and pine trees it gives me a good feeling. My mood is perfect and before I knew it I’ll be hearing Christmas carols plus the weather is getting breezy. I’m getting the Christmas jitters. So welcome Ber-months!

Oh and for my playlist, I’ve been listening to Bice *pronounce as bee-che* she’s a Japanese singer/songwriter, she composed several anime soundtrack like Mahoraba~ Heartful days, Kirarin Revolution and Kimi wa petto (Japanese Manga Adaptation). Unfortunately she died of heart attack last July 26, 2010, she’s just 38 years of age. She’s a genius songwriter and according to her last blog she was supposed to release a song or collaborate for an upcoming anime. I specially love her songs Cloudy Sky, Like Someone in love, Akubi, Tsusunde Ageru, and An apple a day. Her song Like Someone in Love and Cloudy Sky is constantly playing on my list. I’m thinking of cutting my bangs in full to show my heartfelt tribute to her ^^ Rest in Peace Bice. Kanpai anata no jinsei ni!

Anyways, here’s a preview of what I did on the first day of September, I’ll be writing about the place and the food on a different account. This was at Chungkiwa my favorite Korean Restaurant in Makati, I’ve been there a couple of times so I think they deserve some commendation ^^jalmugutseumnida! Kamsahamnida!^^

Welcome September! Give me some good clouds ^^v

Hey you SELF, what’s up?

I've been busy going around my Technicolor life. Here are some of them in photos:

There’s a new craze in town, it’s the SCRAMBLE baby! I wasn’t really sure about it at first because I remember how I was deprived by my mother to eat those yummy pink concoctions when I was a kid. But WTH I’m old enough to decide for myself, hehehe I can now eat those hepatitis mix without being scold and beside it’s being sold in the mall so I assume it went through a food screening process and certification.

I’m a cat. I eat rice in a can, meow! This is lunch Paella in can. I find it weird at first because all I can think of when I saw Roland eating them is “Friskies” *Cat Food* lols but one time I was really craving for rice and I can’t find any at Ministop and I can’t order take-outs so I settled with Paella in can, not a bad idea, although it doesn’t taste as good as the real Paella and little pricey for 39 pesos but good enough to fill my tummy.

I’m a Japanese and Korean food lover, actually I also lurpe Thai and other Asian cuisine and as much as I would hate to admit I lurpe eating and I enjoy food. Taken at Kaya! I had (again) Dolsot Bibimbap and I'm not really that satisfy with how they prepare my food, quite pricey and not as authentic as those restos in Makati. But I lurpe their Kimchi and Myulchi bokkeum, unfortunately you have to pay for each side dish, tsk that's not fair considering how small their serving is hmmm....I've learned my lesson.

Ramen or Ranyum (as how they call it in Korea) is one of my comfort food. I love this Nong Shim Shin Raymun Spicy Mushroom; I love how it tastes when it’s a little cold. I usually buy at few packs for my msg-cravings supply and I also love the Spicy kimchi ranyum and wash it down with oolong tea, oh man!

This was taken a few weeks ago when my brother and I went for a little shopping, actually he was the one who went on shopping and I was just a by stander, hehehe.

Trying out clothes for myself and I was also assigned to choose a dress for Jess ( Bro's GF) and try em. We went from one store after another. I enjoy having him around, you see, he is not the typical guy who would glare at you when you enter a boutique and would rather wait outside, he’s the type who would be kind to accompany you and even check if the clothes suits your style or not. Clap clap to my brother!

We got that bohemian inspired dress for Jess and I got a navy inspired dress and a chic of the edge Japanese inspired dress that I wasn’t able to take photos because I was so excited fitting them. But I got to try out the mannequin’s hair! Hohoho!

Paper Crane Folding 101. I don’t know what has gotten into me but maybe because I’m a Joongbo Fan, yes I am and i love them both hehehe! I said why not study how to fold one! I remember elementary days when kids are showing off their skills in origami folding and I was a lazy-oh-not-so-interested but now I know how to fold one with the help of (of course) Internet!!! Hehehehe!

Gracey’s Birthday Treat at Gilligans. We gave her some cupcake treats and a little cake so she can blow her wish! =) Go get a Boyfriend! oh and it's on process...bwaaaahahaha!

Wacky got a little under the weather. I rushed him to medical city because his fever won’t subside. He was absent in school for 3 days and I was a little panicky because there’s a dengue outbreak in our village luckily it was just a simple flu. Really handsome despite the fact of being sick, he still manage to pose in a 39.4 temperature. His face is really charming. He always gets a second look from people and when he speaks, he speaks with wit. That's my Joaquin.

Lastly here’s a picture to represent my position in the email that I received few days ago! Cover your eyes to feel no pang of guilt, hate or whatsoever. And eat Fruits it will help you decrease your paranoia and increase your happy thoughts! Lols

Peace out!

If I fall hard

I’m scared of the possibility of me falling in love again, I promised myself it will never happen again...not that I’m in a relationship right now honestly I am not in any of that form. But why am I scared because I can see that it is something that can’t be avoided in one way or another I will fall for someone who I will always doubt and be paranoid of his intentions.

I hate going through the motion of giving myself to a person and being in a vulnerable state, to love is to get hurt and got get hurt is something that I can’t afford. I have turned down men a couple of times and sway away whenever I feel that the friendship is going somewhere I would never want to be in. But this time I am thinking, why am I doing that? Am I going to reject everyone? Don’t I want to be happy? Why am I building so many walls? Why am I blocking them from loving me?

My last relationship was the most disastrous I’ve ever been. I have loved that person unconditionally more that I could ever love myself or anyone in that instance. I was hurt badly I was disarmed and that pain dismantled my soul. For years I was blaming everyone, everything that I can, myself, the people around us, the situation, and the wrong moves. and yet I deny that fact that, that person was the one responsible for all the pain I was going through. He never admit his mistakes and he never said sorry for causing such pain instead he façade me with his “I don’t care how you hurt” face and said all those nasty words that made me who I am right now. He throw away all that we had and he eat all of his words like a famished creature wanting to hide all he could devour so I won’t be able to hunt all those pieces and shove it in his mouth.

I wanted to scream in his face and tell him how much he have damage me but that won’t do any good. That person had grew to someone I don’t know anymore, I’m not familiar on that side of his. He has grown into someone completely alien from that person I grew up with and talking to him about my pain would only be a laughable mistake.

If I could turn back the time I would pick up all the pieces and mistake but all is said and done. Even writing this entry doesn’t help or do any good it’s just me and venting all these turmoil inside me, although years have passed but the damage are irreversible. I have grown to out love that person and I can say I don’t care anymore. but I’m still wishing for sincerity coming from that person at least not for me but between the words that we said and for him to take responsibility and be a dignified matured man because right now all I can see from him are his failures and his pathetic life swinging from one college girl to another and putting away his wacky…tsk tsk tsk…focus and know where you’re heading at, you only have one shot in this life and I won’t be responsible for all the choices that you make and made so stop blaming everything on me because I am beautiful and I trying live a refine life.

Today I promise that I would go easy on myself and open up to the right person, I won’t rush things but be more cautious and meticulous in choosing what is right and be more sensitive to the signs. I would be more objective and be open with the idea or possibility of falling in love again. I don’t wanna wake up feeling that I don’t have a future and I will fall in love but not fall hard on the ground.

Are we ready for the Rainy Daze? Ondoy Experience & Preparation

Are we all ready for the down pour or are we just enjoying it because finally the weather is starting to cool down again?

Personally I really like rainy days although last year’s Ondoy pawned me with fear and panic I’m still glad that everyone in my family and friends are safe. Now are we up for another Ondoy?

Recalling the tragedy~ I was stuck in the office tweeting more than 24 hours with no sleep and rest. I remember commanding everyone not to go home and to stay put until I give them a go signal to go home. No telephone lines in almost all residential, no cell phone signals, no electricity in some part of Manila, Rizal, Quezon City and other neighboring province. I was tired and anxious of what’s going to happen next and praying that the rain would stop.

One of my agents was crying because her daughter was stuck inside their house and climbing the 3^rd floor because the flood water has reached the 2^nd floor ceiling.She's not a catholic but we all prayed the rosary. I guess situation like this breaks the barrier between any religions the important thing is that we all have the same intention.

I was pacing back and forth because I can’t contact anyone in my family, although I know that they'll be safe from flood since our location is situated in a higher ground but then again all the roads that lead to our place was flooded and there’s no way they can get out if they run out of supplies. From time to time I would be able to communicate with my cousin via twitter who was also struggling to get an internet connection. And to my surprise they don’t know the gravity of the situation, maybe because they were all stuck in the house with no electricity and telephone connection.

I was all over the internet the whole 42 hours sleeping for only two hours. I was task to take care of our employee, good thing I have extra cash that day since I have to provide food and supplies for them. I was tired physically, emotionally and spiritually. I was having a hard time digesting all the information I’m getting through internet, people crying for help, dying, drowning, children out in the roof drench and cold, elders who can’t do anything because of their aged strength, government officials saying that they don’t have enough boat to rescue people, people twitting missing family members and friends, and people crying in distress. I was hurt and I was crying in the confinement of my office room.

After 3 days I was glad to be home. I was so tired that I passed out in my bed. I also feel so worn out from internet so I went on hiatus. I left twitter, plurk, facebook, tumblr and blogspot. The exhaustion was something that I haven’t felt in my entire life.

I’m wishing and hoping that our government is doing something in preparation for another Ondoy and I’m praying that it won’t happen again. But we all have to be prepared, now, below are the list of things that you should have in your emergency box/kit in case a storm like Ondoy comes again, make sure it’s handy and easy to carry.

Emergency box/ Storm Kit

• Candles and lighter (Butane)
• 3-5 days’ supply of Can goods, Crackers, noodles or dry food (depending on the size of the family)
• Can opener or Swiss Army Knife
• Drinking water
• Flash lights and batteries
• Transistor radio
• Petroleum Jelly (for blisters and incase a child gets shivery, rub it to their belly, underarm and neck it will make them feel warm)
• First aid kit: bandage, paracetamol, medicine for dehydration, cough and cold, rubbing alcohol, cotton balls and other medicine that may be needed for special cases
• Dry clothes and jackets
• Blankets umbrella and big plastic sheet
• All important document should be wrapped and vacuum in a plastic bag

You may add more depending on your needs but remember that an emergency kit should be easy to carry and not too heavy. It should be situated at the easiest place to find and family members should know where to locate it. Finally find a spot in your house where you feel safe just in case a flood arise, make an escape plan and list all the emergency numbers that you might need.

Oh! Hello JUNE and Hello There RAIN *hugs*

Let’s all be safe!

Bashful Smurfette!

Don’t be bashful ~ I remember being told when I refuse to get from the basket of goodies that was being offered to me during one of the conference I was in. Why does it hit me so much? Thinking of how it was said in a gentle manner makes me feel like getting one or two of those pastries. Although I know that I wouldn’t (couldn’t) eat since I was busy taking notes and listening profoundly to all the discussion.

Was I really a bashful Smurfette? Thinking about it and applying it to old scenarios in my life I think at some point I was.

• Scene 1 when being invited to a party: I remember being invited to a lot during my teen years and how many times I’ve turned down invitations, not unless they carry me or drag me out. I don’t mean special treatment I was just too shy to mingle.
• Scene 2 at a party: I would refuse to neither look at anyone in an eye to eye manner nor talk to anyone I don’t know. If they ask me, I just will give them a one liner and leave after. I feel so awkward and uncomfortable unless of course I’m intoxicated LOL (so I drink a lot! Haha!)
• Scene 3 at a party: I remember being offered to eat but refusing because I feel shy and I think it’s not cool.
• Scene 4 when I was in studying: I remember knowing the answers to the questions thrown by my professors but refusing to raise my hand no matter how sure I was, simply because I don’t want anyone’s attention to be drawn at me.
• Scene 5 when I was still playing in a band: I remember how I never talk to anyone other than my band mates during gigs and just giving people a nod, awkward unsure thanks and burying my head low whenever someone said that we/I did well because I was too timid to start a conversation or maybe intimidated.
• Scene 6 when I was at school: I remember being under a lot of stress when someone talks to me on the first day of class beads of sweat running at my back, can’t look at their eyes and my awkwardness are spilling over the place.

So was I bashful? I think I’m more like lacking self confidence or I’m the bearer of inferiority complex back then.

If you just met me yesterday I know that you’ll be giving a lot of bull crap saying that I’m a bad b*stard who talk nonsense or might be asking me if I’m a fictional writer trying to create a fictional character because you can’t see any of those personality coming from me…but in reality I was “before” that shy, timid, coy, bashful, insecure, introvert, unconfident, antisocial girl in the corner trying to blend within the walls of the room.

My present smurfette:
When you offer me something that I refuse to take and say "No, Thank you!" I really mean NO, it’s not because I’m being bashful or shy its just that I really don’t like it. Yeah I know sometimes or most of the times I’m so full of myself and my big mouth is uncontrollable, I laugh the loudest now, I eat like a pig unless I’m on a diet, I’m that sarcastic blunt person who can’t contain her thoughts and I randomly speak to strangers specially if I caught them looking at me, I just can’t help but ask them why they stare. And sometimes you don’t need to send any invitation I will just show my self in front of your door the moment you say you’ll have a party (don’t worry I don’t do gate crash, I still follow my manners and that’s too unfashionable hahaha) .

I don’t know when or how exactly I recovered those confidence but slowly I have gained it maybe because of my family, my group of friends, my elders who pushed me to lead all those youth organization, the books that I have read, the bands that I have joined and the number of times I stood in front of the stage, those amazing people I meet and inspired me to speak my mind and be the best just like them. Those people who never hold themselves from giving me my bad and good points. Or maybe because despite all of that timidity I am really competitive and losing is something that I can’t stand and lastly maybe because I’m a dreamer I know that keeping myself quiet will only give credit to those people who speak out my ideas.

I’m Swimming Moon: A losers' Journal for summer of 2010

First things First, Let me share this:

I love you Summer Sea, the scent of the morning ocean, the wind that blew in my face, the ebb and flow of the salty water in my shinny feet when I walk your sandy shore will always be in my heart (lol I’m trying to write a short story here JOKE). But I loath the idea of the sun kissing myskin (at least for this summer)…I refuse to be engulf with your torrid French kiss…it’s like kissing a teenage kiddo, first timer and salivating all over my face (LOL) I bet my mouth will swell…That’s how I will describe you summer of 2010 sweet and gross…sunscreen will lose its value and yes! no SPF is good enough for you.

So there, go swim lazy ass in thy inflatable giant pool with lots n’ lotsa balls…I has balls! Oh yes!

I am the perfect epitome of a Dead Kid if we talk about summer of 2010.

This is the most boring summer I ever had in my life. I didn’t prepare any summer activities unlike last year when I went around beach bumming in different places.

I’ve lost interest this summer simply because I can’t stand the heat. Manila can be mistaken as a brick oven waiting for Hansel and Gretel to be baked. And I refuse so I held the stick for the hungry witch.

Not only that I hate the heat, I’m also extremely lazy to think around planning and searching for a nice place to go. Last year I’ve planned to go to Anawagin for this year, but not anymore Although Anawagin is really a nice place to go (I know you don’t have to bash at how stupid I can be). I hate the fact that I have to ride a bus, then ride a trike, then ride a boat, then set up a tent, then cook my own meal, then get drunk at night with cheap vodka or rum, then pass out, then sleep with mosquitoes, then wake up with killer hangover and insect bites, then use the common bathroom, and then wash myself in the deep well pump, then panic because my time is almost up while folding the tent and I’m still hangover and the boat ride is waiting and those things that will make me more stress than relax.

Don’t get me wrong I’m not a prima donna or no douchebag or something I just hate the idea of going to a vacay while stressing the whole time thinking what I should do next or have I done this and that or do we have supplies, food, drinks and other that will fancy me. Few years back I wouldn’t even think twice doing those things but I’m tired of my life in the metro so I would rather enjoy things that are less strenuous. Excuse me to those who enjoyed Anawagin this summer, maybe next year I will try and plan again.

Let’s me reminisce my last year’s beach get away at least that’s the best thing I can do for this loser’s summer:

Cagbalete Trip with my friends

Laiya Batangas with my Team:

Bintan Indonesia with my Family:

Sentosa Singapore


Amana Water Park

This years Activity:

BATAAN

Nothing Else.

I remember one thing that makes me say no to beach this year. A friend of mine just told me recently how dark my complexion was last year after returning from Singapore. He actually uses the word "DARKOIDS" and I was laughing outside and cursing him in my mind LOL. My complexion is still dark though I’m a natural Filipina.

Well summer of 2010 is almost over and I can’t wait for the rain to come and swim in the moon but please don’t give us another Ondoy Mr. Fickle Weather.

I’m not Human~ Humans don’t go to Space

Tick Tock I barely get enough sleep and here you go my darling Alarm clock ringing on my ear. Everyday I set two alarms just to make sure that I’ll be awake on time, sometimes I succeed but more than half of my life time I fail hahaha!

The down side of not getting enough sleep is now taking over me. Today I have to endure this excruciating report. Numbers are flashing all over my non comprehensive brain. I hate numbers I told myself but then again as I was analyzing this oh so beautiful report I realized that it’s not really difficult I was telling myself “how can you be so dumb when you are using excel to calculate and do all the math for your lame brain, all you gotta do is remember all those effin formula” but I can’t my brain just won’t process. I resort to searching and retrieving my old reports to help me remember those formula, function and what not. Haist I’m not really good at this.

I also gathered my people to give them my two cents on how they should handle their performance and to voice out some of the conditions I have set for them. BUT I was stuttering my tongue was arguing with my brain as to what words to use to properly express myself. But Ms. Luna brain was busy spacing out, hitch hiking somewhere between Mars and Venus and would not cooperate. Although I gave a very fine speech and was able to send my message across, I know that is not the best of me. What to do???

So I went to my friendly ministop to get myself a cup of coffee, my third coffee since I arrived in the office three hours passed. Nope coffee doesn’t work anymore. I’m not sleepy, not even sluggish, my eyes are not even heavy but I was spacing out real bad. I would stare into space for few second and flashes of thoughts would come to me, things that I have to do for the day and things that I have to remember but as soon as I’m back I can’t recall those things. This is frustrating. Am I getting nuts? Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

I need to get some sleep at least 6-8 hours everyday. I have to remind myself that I am human. And as a human I need to get some rest, I need to sleep and visit dream land…hmmm no wonder I can’t recall any of my dreams. Dumb I’m not having dreams because well, you know I’m not sleeping…so I’ll just see you in space LOL…

Anyways here are the things that should help you sleep:

• Warm hot milk ~ I’m lactose intolerance so this won’t help LOL
• Listen to soft music ~ I tend to analyze sounds when I hear one, I listen to every words and digest each meaning, I listen to every part of the instruments and hear each part as single melody. So again this wouldn’t help.
• Read books~ once I open a page in a book I can help but continue reading even if my eyes are dropping…books are too interesting to be used as a tool to sleep.
• Count sheep~ I’ve finish counting the sheep in this world and still won’t help. I even counted those who were to be born and I haven’t seen any improvements.
• Drink sleeping pills~ I have a tendency for substance dependence so I stay away from pills.
• Stop drinking coffee~ ARE YOU EFFIN KIDDING ME!
• Stop logging to internet FACEBBOK/BLOG/PROBOARDS/ FORUM/ MICRO BLOGGING ETC.~ will someone send me a time machine to travel back to 1852…I need help to go back to when technology means Transcontinental Railroad and enhancement of bicycles.

Here are the tips I found while lurking in the web:

• FOCUS ON YOUR TOES! ~Ahhh! this has something to do with focus and relaxation lol I though you have to look at your toes while sleeping! Toink!
• Imagine a pendulum in your mind. ~ Hehehe imagine a swinging pendulum in your mind…this is more than the spacing out that I can handle.
• Imagine you are a computer. ~ Hahaha! Imagine yourself as shutting down! NOTE: FOR COMPUTER ADDICTS.
• Use Caffeine to your advantage. ~ This just woo me…taking soda or tea at least 3 hours before sleeping…makes sense right! This contains energy builders that makes our body active for a certain period of time and after it wears off, your system will be tired and will be asking for rest. Hmmm…but you know that I’m a happy bubuli I have certain level of serotonin and dopamine in my body that doesn’t wear off. lolz
• Think of your favorite people ~ oh no! This will make me obsesses to… *GRINS* nope, I won’t do this.

Well anyways I hope to use at least of those…one tip at a time…starting today…I’ll go with the pendulum since I’m already here spacing out! Peace out!

Your Shinny Wifey Material

Every little girl dream of wearing a white grandiose gown on their wedding day with their knight and shinning armor walking them to the isle. Along with that dream is a tiny little hope that they can be the perfect wife to their husband.

Oh yeah, although I’m not that so lady like I also dreamt of cooking and cleaning the house with my beautiful apron wrap around my tiny waist, my feather duster in my other hand and my shinny red heels. Yeah, the stereotypical wife that is I have dreamt of.

Ok then, let’s define the Stereotypical “cartoonized” Wife:

• She wakes up early in the morning to cook breakfast with her orange juice and coffee, as she offers it happily to her husband.
• She uses the vacuum cleaner with an outstanding fashion.
• She runs to the grocery with her cart full of treats and minds every details of each product while zooming the back label with her oh’ so darling glasses.
• She who still looks dainty no matter how stressed and tired she is from household chores
• She who wears a beautiful apron wrap around her tiny waist, a feather duster in her hand, a shinny red stiletto while swaying to music on the radio. (That’s me in COSPLAY HAHAHA)
• She cooks the most scrumptious dinner and displays her skills in food presentation beating all 5 star hotels in the metropolis.
• She who’s always prepared for her husband’s boss surprise visit and can converse in a most impressive witty manner
• She who offers the finest tea party to her friends, bake godly cakes and brew her own tea in her expensive china.
• She never loses her posh style for her husband admiration and darn after having 3 kids she still looks hot.
• She whose only concern was decorating their abode with linens and china and she worries about the next theme for their house. “Hmmm..” she wonders “would it be French, Antique, Shabby Chic or Modern/Conventional style or what?” She needs to redecorate at least every year.

In my dreams (once/before/past/long ago/in ancient time) I wanted to be that shinny wifey material but as I grow older I realize that life is not all dandy. Each female species I know is on the race to living a better life so being a wife is just a role they have to portray after 8 hours of work. Then the rest will be focused in earning dough to help their husband support their family so they can live a comfortable and decent life.

I remember attending a cooking class at an early age of about 11 or 12, I was trained how to cook well and I guess I can cook decently, basically anything perhaps. I was trained how to manage house hold, those back stabbing pain you get from waxing the floor (Arrrgh!!! I hate those days when my mother will order me to polish the entire floor using my bare hands). I know how to use the washing machine and flat iron. I know how to sew, I even have a knowledge in using a sewing machine, I sometimes alter my own clothes to make it more fitting.

But do I like doing those things? Cooking? Hmmm, maybe, as long as you won’t let me chop the ingredients and wash the dishes after. Waxing the floor? Yeah in your dreams, I can’t even remember the last time I saw or held a broom. Washing and ironing clothes? Nope baby. Not even folding clothes. I will never be that shinny wifey material. Those are just the cliché of my Imagination and I doubt if any wife can live to that expectation, but we are all good in our own ways I might not be able to perform those duties now since I still have to get a good husband but I’ll try to do it once I found the right man to serve.