She said "thanks, I like you too"

In my dreams I can see you grinning wide and foolishly asking me to move over and grab the bubblegum that someone left on the other table.

I: NO, don’t be stupid.

You: LOL can’t you be a little bold and silly sometimes.

I: I’m Bold but I’m not dumb

You: I’ll buy you a drink...

I: sure, make it double!

You: that’s what I like about you!

I: HAHAHA! I like you too ^^

And we grin like two chuckle head lost in our own world.

That reminds me so much of this song…so I’ll sing it for you. And yes she said “Thanks, I like you too.”

"Birds~ KATE NASH”

She was waiting at the station. He was getting off the train. He didn't have a ticket so he had to bum through the barriers again. Well, the ticket inspector saw him rushing through.

He said “girl you don't know how much I missed you but we'd better run 'cause I haven't got the funds to pay this fine.”
She said "fine"

Well so they ran out of the station and jumped onto a bus with two of yesterdays travel cards and two bottles of bud.

And he said "you look well nice"

Well she was wearing a skirt and he thought she looked nice. And yes, she didn't really care about anything else 'Cause she only wanted him to think that she looked nice and he did. But he was looking at her, yeah all funny in the eye.

She said "come on boy tell me what you're thinking now don't be shy."
He said “alright, I'll try”

“All the stars up in the sky and the leaves in the trees. All the broken bits that make you jump up and grassy bits in between. All the matter in the world is how much I like you."

She said "what?"
He said "let me try and explain again.”

"Right, birds can fly so high, and they can shit on your head, till they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared. But when you look at them and you see that they're beautiful. That's how I feel about you”

“Right, birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head, till they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel well scared. But when you look at them and you see that they're beautiful. That's how I feel about you. Yeah, that's how I feel about you."

She said "what?"
He said "you"
She said "what are you talking about?"
He said "you"

"Right, birds can fly so high, and they can shit on your head, till they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared. But when you look at them and you see that they're beautiful. That's how I feel about you”

"Right, birds can fly so high, and they can shit on your head, till they can almost fly into your eye and make you feel so scared. But when you look at them and you see that they're beautiful. That's how I feel about you. Right, that's how I feel about you.”

She said "thanks, I like you too"
He said "cool"

**Note I adjusted the cuts in the lyrics to make it sound like a regular conversation. ^^v

The things that Wrinkles my Nose

Pet Peeves: Annoyance at its Finest PartII

• People who rides in public transport without taking a bath first
• People who doesn’t take a bath
• Waking up and realizing that I just slept over a nice opportunity. NICE!
• Missing the greatest opportunity because of my stupidity and idiotic remarks hehehe!
• Waking up without coffee and smoke
• Waking up late because I failed to hear the alarm clock
• Waking up late because my freakazoid thumb just keeps on pressing snooze until I dozed off permanently
• Poop in the street. I once throw a pair of shoes just because I landed on the jackpot.
• People who let their dogs run around and treat the neighborhood as a dog pooped world.
• Dogs who effinly chase people off the street (I Love DOGS I just hate some of their MASTERS)
• People who brags (ok it’s different from people who humbly show their achievements).
• People who criticize but hey look at them *sarcastic laugh*
• People who talks nonsense
• People who can’t see beyond, as in you have to literally explain everything to them.
• People who can’t answer/explain why…WHY??? Hmmm?
• People who overly react like “HUWAT????? OMG!!! YOU’RE Freaking/ F*cking/Kidding me!!!” (And we are inside the church/conference room/ movie house and other places where you can’t be like that).
• No internet connection and we're paying in full. Same as with no cable, telephone lines, electricity and what not.
• Parents who hits or humiliates their kids in public *SIGH*
• Hot Hot Weather!
• Spending money
• Over Eating!

When YOU CUT my Soul

Times like this when I feel I have to draw the line. For some time I have been very patience and I guess I have given all my understanding. Yeah, you call me bitch and call me the worst person who say’s everything I wanted to say without any repercussion and I think you describe me very well. But didn't you know that I've been very careful with how I deal things with you not because I was required to but because I care. But today I am officially hurting, not mad, not angry, not annoyed but HURT!

I was called by names a million times, I remember I was the “JINX” and I was humiliated a couple of times too…I never argue about that, I was always willing to let it pass and I guess by doing that I have suppressed some emotions inside. I have bottled it all up and now I just can’t take it. Then I have to blame myself because I refuse to deal with it, I let it slip away without knowing that I was cradling it all inside.

Respect! Yes, that’s a very intricate word. How do you define the word respect? Do you show it through words, through action, through thoughts? I don’t know you tell me. Let me realize what the word respect means.

You have stated very well how brutally frank I am, how sarcastic I can be , how diabolic my thinking is and how blunt I speak. But dude! Didn’t you made it clear that you know me and you acknowledged the fact that it’s part of who I am? If I have hurt you or if those are cause of your insolence then why didn’t you say that I was bad being me? I was being ME for God’s sake! And you know what? I won’t even mention any good side of which I am…it’s all up to you my friend, if you can even think of any. Tsk tsk tsk!

And yes I have a heart of stone and I don’t get easily affected by how people look at me, I don’t give a damn to what they say, they don’t matter, they don’t even exist in my world and even if they reject me I wouldn’t give a BS. But WE, we are FRIENDS (aren’t we?).

Now I’m beginning to question and doubt why we are friends? I’m not a person who enumerates the variables between friendships but I’m starting too and I swear it’s not a good feeling. My head is spinning and my heart is aching.

I had it today and I guess it's time to rest my head on this matter…I hope I made it all clear. It's a small issue I know, but I guess I’ll never know when a small bite can trigger my death. I rest my case.

Institutionalize Yourself! In-Your-FACE!

I was listening to Suicidal Tendencies “Institutionalized” yesterday and I was thinking this song speaks a lot. The Song narrates clear emotions and frustration of a person who is being judge and accuse by the society, his friends and even his own family. I’ve always wonder why is it that when we fail to follow the standard or whatever that the society dictates, they look at us like were crazy? Hmmm…Just because we act different or swerve away from the norms doesn’t mean that we’re strange. How do you identify the right from wrong? What is normal, rational or the standard for you?

The Following Verse are taken from the song Institutionalized by Suicidal Tendencies:

Verse I:

Sometimes I try to do things and it just doesn't work out the way I want it to. And I get real frustrated. It's like, I try hard to do it and I take my time, but it just doesn't work out the way I want it to. It's like I concentrate on it real hard, but it just doesn't work out. And everything I do and everything I try, it never turns out! It's like; I need time to figure these things out. There's always someone there going,

"Hey Mike, you know, we’ve been noticing you've been having a lot of problems lately, you know. You should maybe get away, and like, maybe you should talk about it, you’d feel a lot better."

I go, "No, its okay you know, I'll figure it out. Just leave me alone, I'll figure it out you know, I'm just working on myself."

And they go, "Well, you know, if you wanna talk about it, I'll be here ya know, and you'll probably feel a lot better if ya talked about it, so why don'tcha talk about it?!"

I go, "No! I don't want to I'm okay! I'll figure it out myself!"

Who cares if we fail and vent out all our frustration into something like writing or drinking or crying or shouting, isn’t that normal? Sometimes we go over board if another person inflict us displeasure… what do you want us to do sit down, watch and smile, and just let that person snatch or destroy everything that we have? And so if we act hurt and express our emotion people will think that we’ve gone crazy or something bad is going to happen. They go offering support and asking question when all you want is total silence to contemplate on the things that’s running in your mind, while everyone’s playing their own favorite role: a psychologist or a therapist without license. But hey! For as long as I’m not killing anyone or inflicting pain on myself or committing arson I think people should back out and mind there own little business.

Verse II

I go, "No Mom, I'm not on drugs. I’m okay, I'm just thinking, you know. Why don't ya give me a Pepsi?"

She goes, "No, you're on drugs!"

I go, "Mom, I'm okay, I'm just thinking."

She goes, "No, you're not thinking, you're on drugs! Normal people don't act in that way!"

I go, "Mom, just give me a Pepsi please, all I want is a Pepsi." And she wouldn't give it to me! Just one Pepsi! And she wouldn't give it to me! All I wanted was a Pepsi! Just a Pepsi!

Damn it! The son Just wants Pepsi and the mother won't give it to him because she thinks his son is an addict!~~~ Supports are expected from everyone in the Family, but I see a lot of dysfunctional family relationship, when I say dysfunctional family it should not be mistaken that for broken family~~that’s misconception. Dysfunctional family means that they fail to communicate and know who their family members are; in which conflict, misbehavior and abuse on the each part of individual members happen continually or shall I say its part of their daily routine. I’ve grown up in a family that doesn’t have any fraternal influence and our family is quite big, as in, Big Extended Traditional Filipino Family. I was raised by my mother with the help of her two sisters and brother in laws who never judge and assume but let me speak my mind freely without inhibition. Even though I was not guided by fatherly rules my family never fails to discipline, support and understand me. We had our share of fights and misunderstanding but we always sit down and calibrate on whatever issues we have. I believe that everyone in my family offers understanding, patience and support, reasons why I, my sibling and my cousins learned not to mess around.

Verse III

And I go, "Wait! What are ya talking about?! We decided?! My best interest?! How do you know what my best interest is! How can you say what my best interest is!

And what are ya trying ta say, I'm crazy?! When I went to your schools! I went to your churches!

I went to your institutional learning facilities! So how can ya say I'm crazy?!

Our society is the real killer, sometimes I think they dictate too much that everyone is dying and trying so hard to be on top of their standards. Our society is the one who dictates our social status and roles. In my own words they are the one who can classify the poor from the aristocrat. They are the one who categorize the insane from the plainly idiotic or stupid. When they tag you as insane expect that everyone will be looking at you like you’ve committed a heinous crime or you're infected with some morbid contagious disease. I know that Society is essential for implementing rules to have peace and order but most of the times it’s just cliché and stereotype.

This line should own you “How can you say what my best interest is!? When I went to your schools! I went to your churches! I went to your institutional learning facilities!” I’m not saying that humanity is bad in general, it’s a just that I think that we sometimes fail to see the real essence of each individuals and fail to recognized that each person are born unique. We don’t think the same, we don’t act the same, and we don’t eat and sh*t the same stuff!

I’m tired explaining this I’m sure those who are reading this will understand where I’m coming from. Bottom line: I hate the fact that people are judging others and saying what’s best for them, when they also have their own dysfunctional life. HEY! why don’t you just institutionalize yourself!

Your wish made me think!

On my birthday I received a lot of greetings and well wishes. But there’s this particular wish that made me think. Someone wished for me to find my own happiness. I know what it pertains to, I started questioning myself. Am I not that happy? Or Do I need anything/anyone to be happy?

What defines your happiness? Hmmmmm….?

• Money
• Luxury
• Material things
• Achieved Goals
• Fancy Cars
• Grandiose Mansion
• Expensive designer Clothes
• High-end Gadgets
• Family
• Food
• Jewelries

I don’t know…I’m not going to tell you the things that should make you happy. You have to decide that on your own.

What makes me happy?

The fact that I’m still alive makes me happy. My son, my family, my friends, my colleagues, my career, my cheap finds, expressing my mind through my blog, travelling, listening to music, playing the guitar, reading books and blogs, taking my pictures and others, drinking and chatting with friends till morning, having a fine conversation with my seniors, I can list all the things even to the tiniest details but some would still question my life’s fulfillment.

I’m young, I can still sail my vessel to any direction that I wish. And I’m not going to depend my happiness on someone or something because I know that it will only be catastrophic. I am happy because I’m happy, it’s a state of mind, it an attitude. I can’t imagine myself living another life than my life today. We can never measure anyone’s happiness, so let’s not judge people by how they live their life and assume that~~ that person is miserable than you just because you think that your happiness will also define that person’s happiness. No don’t do that, don’t make that mistake.

Oh well, I’m happy that someone wished me to find my happiness and just a clarification I’m not angry. In fact, I’m thankful because if it weren’t for that I wouldn’t sit down and stop whatever I am doing to access and check my good sense. Maybe that person also affects me in a way that’s why I have to ask myself and check if I’m happy with my goddamn life. LOL ^^

Wacky Love

Last night while I was sleeping I felt someone hold my hand. He laid my hand in his chest, squeeze it tight, held it up to kiss it, rest it in his face and said he loves me. I feel secured after that, I know who he is. I don’t have to open my eyes. My heart knows who he is. He’s my favorite guy, my little rascal, my finest gentleman and I equally love him. I love my Wacky! He is my Son!

How can a kid show so much love? Joaquin is just 4 years old in a month from now he’ll be turning 5. I was wondering how a kid like that can demonstrate so much affection to his mother. When I know that a mother’s love is the most infinite love that anyone can ever have. But my son’s love overwhelms me. He who sings lullaby and stroke my hair to make me sleep, who laughs at every expression I give and he who mutters “you’re the best mom in the world” despite my short comings.

He’s very smart. Whipping everyone with his intellect and wit, he bagged 3 gold medals, two for winning a poetry interpretation and one for getting the first honor. I never doubted his capabilities, I trained him to be the best…I want him to have the best. He’s amazing, he makes me happy!

I’m grateful that God send Joaquin to me. He really knows what’s ahead so I guess he molded Joaquin to be my shelter. I feel really blessed. I wouldn’t ask for anything more.

Today is my Birthday Yahooo! (Boooo YOU)!

Last night I get to celebrate my Bday with some of my closest friends. Made some California Maki to go with the red wine and vodka (which made me think now hmmm… what’s with me drinking Red wine and eating Maki? lol). We stayed up until 5am or until my head was spinning…hmmm Red wine and Vodka is a bad combo, I was advice never to mix or to take two different alcohols at the same time. How Stupid!

Before I went to bed I remember writing something for my blog, but just as I was about to post it I change my mind. That was really out of this world, I was writing something about what I wish to have and I’m drunk so my mouth or shall I say my mind was blabbering with stupidity. Anyways below are some parts of that deleted post:

“I only have one wish right now. I want 12 books that I can read for the next 12 months or until my next birthday! I’m totally drunk my head is spinning and I wish to watch the music video of “Pure Shore” (All Saints). I always make fun of myself while watching that video, when I’m all smashed up it helps my head to spin some more…Arrgh! This is annoying I can’t even think straight…anyways I want 12 books!!! And maybe I want you too!”

Ok I’m going to cut it right there, the content after that are totally BS and I congratulate myself for thinking twice before posting…can’t reveal any more of my intoxicated brain.

So I went to bed and I can see from my window that it’s already sunny outside hmmm…I held on to my eye mask (or eye cover or whatever you call that thingy that you use to cover your eyes with when sleeping) and turn on the AC so I can sleep in peace.

At 2 pm I woke up with Wacky jumping and showering me birthday kisses. I realized that I have to do something but my head is pounding so I decided to take a quick shower to refresh myself. After that quick bath I gather all the things that I need for that something and HELL YEAH! I was starting my 365 project and so my room is in total mess… I was desperately seeking for white walls where I can pose and get a good clean background, but unfortunately our walls are painted in mustard yellow (poop paint) and blue. I can’t afford to change the wall paint just because I’m starting with this project so I resigned myself to blue background. So, there goes my little dorky-camwhore-self posing and taking pictures.

Finally here are my wish lists for my BDAY:

1. Camera Remote: I need that badly if I want to survive and succeed in this 365 project. It’s hard to take self photos using timer. I feel stupid smiling and projecting for like 10 seconds or until I hear the click sound.
2. 12 new books: I’m still wishing for that!
3. Head Phones: Skullcandy, Urban Ears, Mix-Style or Sennheiser or Monster beats (Monster Beat my face! in my dreams).
4. Hongkong/Macau: I don’t wish to own Hongkong or Macau my wish is to travel back there this year.
5. To Travel ALONE: I want to experience that big time! I wish I can do that!
6. Lots of Money: who would not wish for that LOL!
7. Quit Smoking: Yes I’m wishing to have that will power to stop this bad habit.
8. Good Health: Not only for myself but for my Family and Friends as well.
9. More Friends: I wish to gain more friends and reconcile with those I have issue with.
10. More Skills: It’s never too late to learn more things I wish I can be good in guitars, photography and I wish to learn at least two new languages I’m planning Korean, Japanese or French.

Maybe I should also wish to have a fairy odd parent Haha! So I can rush those little fancy! And lastly I wish for World Peace! (My humor is getting repulsive everyday) LOL.

Anyways, that’s all that I have for today…I got a lot of greetings from friends and that made my day. I’m so happy and I feel so blessed for having a very supportive family and friends that keeps me sane. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. On second thought maybe I can trade them for a million dollar! HAHAHA!

ME and ALL OF ME!

I visited my old blog account to read and laugh at the silliest me over the years and while I was chucking and cursing about how stupid I was during those days I realized that things hasn’t change at all. I’m still that person who complains about the littlest things in life and I Rant! Rant! Rant!

Tomorrow I will be earning another ring in my skin and I’m dying to say that I have matured over the years. But the fact still remains: I’m STILL THE SAME, I’m still childish, I’m still inconsistent, I’m still unpredictable, I’m still fickle-minded, I'm Still the spoiled little girl, I'm Still stubborn, I'm Still Compassionate, I'm Still Funny, I'm Still the most Simple and Complex person all at the same time, I'm Still the girl who laughs and roll on the floor, I'm Still the person who randomly decides on random things, I'm still Reckless and Conscious at the same time, I'm Still the Sarcastic Sadistic Witch, I'm still the sensitive cry baby, I'm Still the Daughter, Mother, Sister, Niece, Cousin, Friend, Colleague, Foe (if you think I am one of yours) and I’m still that soul trap inside this aging body.

Below are the excerpts from some of my blog post year 2008-2007. Unfortunately I can’t remember my livejuornal and bravehost account which is somehow good because I know how negative I was during those times and I’d rather forget about that.

Me and my no sleeping habit

December 2008 “Pagod na Ako”

“Ngayon ko lang naramdaman lahat ng pagod...minsan iniisip ko kung ang computer nga eh sina shut down...

araw-araw 2 hours of sleep, no day off except on Sundays...dragging my self out off bed every single day...”

August 17 2008 “5am and the Ghost”

“So it’s 5am and I lay a wake, bored, no new book to read, no nice show to watch, no one to talk to…what do you do at this time?”

August 16 2008 “ Sleep Sleep VS Bingo”

Today I planned to sleep early. So I went to my room and lie down but my plans was all ruined by the noise outside my window…People are playing BINGO!!!

So the disadvantage of living beside a basketball court now ruled over me…

I can’t sleep! It’s loud and noisy! People scream and the announcers are hilarious…or maybe I’m denying the fact that I am also entertained by how the announcers generate such meaning for every letters. The crowd! The excitement of the crowd as they anxiously wait for the last few letters and numbers to be called so they can win the J-A-C-K-P-O-T… and shout at the top of their lungs B-I-N-G-O!!!! Like it’s the last word that they’ll be saying on their death bed!

As for me…poor me… pretty me… (I know…the pretty part is all true! hehehehe) will have to wait for the game to end, for the crowd to disperse and soon sleep will take over my lovely me! Hehehehe…well, I decided to accept the noise as entertaining rather than annoying, anyway I don’t have any choice and besides I’m trying to channel my aura to a more positive, calm and happy bubuli force…so I vent to writing and listing to good music and occasional peeking outside the window and getting a good laugh! PEACE! Este! BINGO!

Me and my Health/ Mental Health

December 14 2008

“What will you do if you found out that I wake up on the wrong side of the bed, feeling dizzy and grumpy; not in the mood for anything except to bully every living thing that comes my way?

I wouldn’t really know maybe you should call Mandaluyong and tell the head of the psychiatric ward to send in 5 guys with one straight jacket!”

August 27, 2008 “Sick today/ gone tomorrow”

“Today I’m feeling awfully sick, muscle pain, headache and stomach ache…PAIN…I love to think that I am sick because of too much drinking (two days straight)…whoa! (Hehehe I wish). I think I got sick of too much thinking, you see I’ve been through a lot these past few years. Things that I cannot even imagine, not even in my wildest dreams… I think through time you can acquire a certain disease because of too much stress, whether emotional, spiritual, psychological or physical.

Someone told me a few months back, when you feel certain pain in your body and you didn’t do anything about it, chances are you will have greater problem in the future…like a simple headache that’s been distracting you for more than a few days and yet you never do anything about it (talk about my migraine that has been bothering me for so many years, usually starts at November and last until January)

For almost two years I’ve been feeling sick and tired, but for some special reasons I pretend not to feel the pain.

Today I woke up and anxiety took over me and yes I embrace it with arms wide open, yes! Welcome to infirmity…so I took a couple of medicine one for body pain, one for cold , one for cough and another one for fever (hehehe overdose) oh, I forgot I also took one for LBM (addict mode!) plus my regular vitamin potencee 2x a day… sh*t its been a long time since I entertain the pain of being sick hehehehe…for me feeling sick is an option...it’s a choice, if I want to feel sick or just postpone it for another day it my choice! Hehehe. But not anymore, I’m paying the price today. Sob…”

2007

NO SLEEP + ILL HEALTH = Disastrous Catastrophic self-destruction ala mode w/cherry on top.

“My weight has dropped down, my cousin who I haven’t seen for (only) a week told me that I look thin…Thanks! Thanks! That’s the supreme consolation and the most wonderful consequence of illness…like what I’ve said before: Felling sick is a choice, an option, I can postpone it for another day, weeks, months and even a years if want too! But nope, not this time…It Hit Me BIG TIME! It really got me….”

Me and the Choices made between mini mini my nimo

November 2, 2008 Choose your Choice

At this point I’m in a situation wherein I have to choose which one will do better in my condition. Amidst all the Trials and Triumphs the aftermath of all my past decisions whether good or bad…still doesn’t stop.

This time it’s far more different than what I was accustomed to…it’s a choice between the best given pick and the one that the norms will think is the best pick…Challenging my belief and principles, which is very tough.

I just can’t, although it’s very tempting…

This requires too much emotion on my part and on the part of my pick who never really mind what the norms think and doesn’t give a b*llsh*t… I was lucky to have that.

2007 Pretext of Human Failure

Before you say its destiny and fate, let me tell you about choices…idiots! Destiny and fate: lame excuse…its choices! CHOICES!

So stop blaming the stars for the disastrous out come …

Take the U turn

Yes! I took a big U Turn just like the one in C5…

And guess what it was good and smooth,

It was never too late to go back and take the U TURN…

Ayos! Ayos!

Pwede!

Me and that wicked woman

August 23, 2008

“Last week I was asked to move to a new office space, at first I was really furious, after hearing all the plans that was made before me, I was really depressed and frustrated…Why would they move me to a new office space after being comfortable and productive in my turf!?...so my colleague (who’s not at fault) approached me asking how may tables would I need for my new space? Guess what? I answered the question with an in your face manner and said “you know what? I don’t need a new table and I don’t care how many tables you give me the point is I’m not moving…AYOKO! OK!” and then walked out banging my badge on the door!

Yup! Yup! I made a scene. Every one was talking about my walked out moment …but after puffing my good old cigarette, I’ve realized how unprofessional I acted and I know it’s a mistake…so I went back to my colleague and apologized for my childish act…and my apology was accepted, I guess he knows where I’m coming from.”

Well that’s all that I can post for now since I’m still trying to asses the things that I should be doing at this age…But I’m thankful that God has given me the strength to surpass all the trails. Looking back, who would think that I’ll be able to make it here. At some point I lost my control and totally give up but I refuse to be defeated, instead I encourage the competitive streak in me and take all the challenge that comes along my way. I survived the dark ages and here I am now back my sunny sunshine attitude. Cheers!